Kathy

Making Weddings a Family Affair

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged children in wedding / family reading / family ritual / family wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony by

Making weddings a family affair is a great idea when there are children in the picture. Whether they belong to one or both of you, including your children in the ceremony adds a great new dimension. It doesn’t take away from the specialness of the moment for the two of you, and you can decide what degree of inclusion is right for you.

It’s common to see children of the couple serve as ring bearers or flower girls, and these are great ways to include younger children in the wedding party. Older children can serve as junior attendants – bridesmaids or groomsmen, and can also serve as escorts to accompany you into the ceremony space.

At a recent wedding, the bride had sourced a lovely childrens book titled, “Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. The text expresses the constancy of love and can be applied to the love of parents for children and is also applicable to the love between the couple. I’ve added it to my readings library and also used it for a Child Welcoming last weekend where it also fit perfectly. At the wedding, the couple had purchased a copy of the book and presented it to the two young girls to follow along as the reading was offered. It was a perfect, sweet moment, and one more example of making weddings a family affair.

The highlight of any wedding is the vows. After the couple exchanges promises with their vows, it’s a perfect time to recognize the new family that is formalized with the marriage of the parents. Bring the children (if still dependents) up and make promises to them, too. These can be simply worded, heartfelt promises to provide a safe, loving home for this new family, or they can be more elaborate. They can be done repeat after me style or spoken directly by the “new” step-parent.

Gifting a memento of the day to children is another way to make it special for them. I’ve seen everything from necklaces to family pictures to a hockey stick (the new stepdad and son shared a love of the game) gifted during ceremonies. It always provides a special moment when topped off with loving hugs shared all around.

A final option for making weddings a family affair is to bring the parents and children together to share in a family ritual. With younger children a sand ceremony utilizing colors representing each of the family members works well. Adult children may enjoy a flower blending ceremony or a family toast.

When making weddings a family affair it is always best to ask the children (of any age) if they would like to participate, and if so, in what manner. You can have some suggestions to offer, but take your cue from them. Following a divorce or death of a parent, the children may be dealing with mixed or conflicted feelings. They may be most comfortable out of the spotlight. For the same reason, I don’t ever ask children to speak at the ceremonies.

No matter what level and type of involvement you choose for your children at your wedding, make sure that you’re honoring and respecting their needs and wishes. You want this first day as newly formalized family to be filled with smiles and happiness as you bring families together and begin a new journey together.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony weather by

Rain, rain, go away is a sweet line from a sweet children’s song, but the reality of rain on your wedding day isn’t sweet at all. Our weather in Minnesota is so variable, that I always ask couples what their bad weather backup ceremony location is. I’ve had three weddings this season where rain was a factor, and the couples took different approaches to it.

In May the couple proceeded with their outdoor ceremony as planned. Guests sat huddled under umbrellas trying to avoid the chilly rain that continued throughout the ceremony. The bride was very composed and seemed unconcerned about the bad weather. The DJ, however, was uncomfortable with the potential impact of the rain on his equipment. I did make a few modifications to the ceremony to keep things moving and minimize the time people sat in the rain.

In July the couple really, really wanted to have an outdoor ceremony, so we continued with the outdoor plan. The wedding party was mostly protected by the tree we were standing under, but as I looked out at the guests, many of them were holding programs over their heads trying to stay dry.

And then just recently rain impacted a third ceremony. This couple, however, after trying to capture a few outdoor photos, decided to hold the ceremony indoors. The venue set up a ceremony space by moving reception tables aside and setting up rows of chairs. At ceremony time the guests calmly and comfortably awaited the entrance of the wedding party, and the ceremony went off without a hitch.

It’s unusual to have rain impact so many ceremonies in a single year. The weather is one aspect of your wedding day that you have no control over. While you may wish to have the rain, rain, go away, it is best to have a backup plan that you are happy with and willing to implement if necessary. Your guests (and DJ and officiant) will thank you for it.

Hiring Your Wedding Officiant

 in Officiant / Wedding Ceremony  tagged celebrant / officiant / wedding celebrant / wedding officiant by

Hiring your wedding officiant should be done soon after you’ve selected your date and ceremony venue. With those two key pieces of information, you’re ready to start your search. Officiants will be able to quickly tell you if they are available for your date, and if they provide services to the location you’ve selected.

By selecting your wedding officiant early you increase the chances that they will be available for your date, and you leave time for an orderly and relaxed timeline for the creation of your ceremony. If you have a particular officiant in mind, it really isn’t ever too early to reach out with an initial contact. If you’re feeling apprehensive about initiating contact with officiants, here are a few tips to ease you into the process:

  1. Online searches for officiants in your geographic area is a good place to begin. Once you find one or a few officiants you’re interested in, see if they offer an online contact form. When you complete and submit their form you can be sure that you’re providing the initial information they need. The officiant can then respond with additional information and suggestions on how best to proceed.
  2. Reputable officiants will offer a no cost, no obligation initial consultation. This is an opportunity for all parties to decide if you’re a good fit for each other, and if the officiant is a viable option for your wedding day. Consultations can take place in person, via video conference, or via teleconference.
  3. Hiring your wedding officiant should include a formal document that lays out all the details – date, time, place and cost of course, along with what the officiant will do and what your responsibilities are. The one exception to this is if you are hiring an officiant for a ceremony in the next few days, in which case a verbal agreement or email exchange may serve your needs.
  4. Make sure you give some thought to what you want in your wedding ceremony before you meet with potential officiants. The more information you can provide about your wishes, priorities, and requirements, the better chance you’ll have of hiring the right person.

Hiring your wedding officiant may take a little time and effort, and it’s OK to continue your search if you don’t connect with the first person you meet. Your wedding ceremony is the first public event of your wedding day. It’s also a required element of your day, if you want to be legally married. So take your time, invest some thought and effort into the process, and you’ll select the person who can deliver on your vision for the ideal wedding ceremony.

Simplify Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Wedding Ceremony  tagged processional / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding processional by

Simplify your wedding ceremony to gain some practical and some personal benefits. Keeping your ceremony streamlined allows you and your guests to focus on the key elements that allow you to cross the threshold into marriage. And the practical benefits can be significant.

Consider these ways to simplify your wedding ceremony and the benefits to be realized:

  1. Limit the size of your wedding party. Fewer bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers and personal attendants can make it easier to coordinate everything from clothing choices to transportation to photographs. It also makes placing people for the ceremony easier.
  2. Limit the number of people in attendance. Keep your guest list to close family and friends. This opens up venue options and ceremony ritual options and makes coordination and communication easier.
  3. Within the ceremony itself, you can simplify the processional by having grandparents seated in reserved spots before the processional begins. Smaller wedding parties also allow the processional to move more quickly and keeps the focus on the main participants – you two.
  4. Keeping your ceremony shorter is another way to simplify it. Consider limiting yourself to one reading if you choose to have any. You can also choose to omit any unity ritual, unless one has significant meaning for you. Finally, if you aren’t interested in having a personal ceremony, you can opt not to include anything that shares your history or love story.

Simpler wedding ceremonies and simpler weddings in general are a bit easier to plan, will cost less, and will help you keep your focus on the important elements of the day. Last but not least, with the spectre of COVID still with us, you gain flexibility when you simplify your wedding ceremony. With fewer guests, a smaller wedding party and a simpler ceremony you’ll be positioned as best you can be should restrictions be reimposed on gatherings.

Defining Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Wedding Ceremony  tagged ceremony / ceremony definition / personal ceremony / wedding ceremony by

Defining your wedding ceremony is an opportunity to personalize your wedding day. Minnesota marriage requirements are minimal – basically you have to say you want to be married to each other – so there’s lots of opportunity to make the ceremony your own. An experienced celebrant can help guide you through the process, but your wishes should be paramount.

A good way to begin the process of defining your wedding ceremony is to consider what you’ve seen at other weddings you’ve attended. Were there certain moments you found particularly touching or meaningful? Alternately, were there moments you felt you’d seen at every other wedding or didn’t care for? Share these thoughts with your celebrant as a great starting point for defining your own ceremony.

Next, think about what ceremony elements are important to you. Perhaps you have a poem, reading or song that is significant to you as a couple. Those are perfect elements to include in your ceremony. Maybe you definitely want (or don’t want) to write your own vows. Make sure that your officiant knows about this and is on board.

Writing your own vows is a great way to personalize your wedding ceremony

Another consideration should be any people you want to have a role in your ceremony. Beyond being a bridesmaid or groomsman there are a number of possibilities here. Maybe you want to ask them to be greeters to welcome your guests, or perhaps you want them to offer a reading during the ceremony. If you have family or friends who have artistic talent, perhaps you can ask them to create the backdrop for your ceremony.

And finally, you’ll want to decide if you want your ceremony personalized by including anecdotes or stories from your time together. This is the best way to put your personal stamp on your ceremony, but it’s OK to leave it out if you’re shy, very private or want a very short ceremony. Just realize that in making that choice you’re losing the element of the ceremony that is uniquely yours.

Defining your wedding ceremony involves some thought and decision making, but will result in a ceremony that fits you, that reflects your priorities, and that will be meaningful and memorable. A perfect way to begin your wedding celebration.