Monthly Archives: March 2023

Including Children in Your Ceremony

 in Blended family / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged blended family / children in weddings / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Including children in your ceremony is a lovely idea, but must be done with care. Your children from a previous relationship become part of a new blended family when you marry. While you are excited and positive about this new phase of your life, they may have very mixed feelings.

Depending on the situation, your children may view your fiance(e) as an interloper. They may feel that your attention is now divided, and they may be resentful. Maybe they haven’t had enough time to really know this new person yet. They may feel loyalty to their other parent.

If your new fiance(e) also has children, the situation is more complex. In addition to becoming acquainted with a new step-parent to be, they will need to build relationships with new step-siblings. Simple things like sharing rooms, and having more activity and people around the house can create stress.

Understanding your children’s feelings about your upcoming marriage is critical when planning your wedding ceremony. Plan to have a chat with them about it during a quiet, private time. Ask about their feelings. Ask about their concerns. Don’t try to “fix” their feelings, but understand and accept them. It’s helpful to give your children options regarding their level of involvement in the ceremony.

Perhaps they would be most comfortable simply sitting with grandparents. Maybe they want to hand out programs to guests as they enter the ceremony space. They might be interested in walking you down the aisle. And maybe they even want to participate in some kind of family ritual during the ceremony.

Family Sand

All of these are options. Notice, however, that none of them involve the children speaking during the ceremony. Especially if the children are teenagers or younger, I recommend not asking them to speak. You can make promises to them if you wish. Perhaps they want to join in a family sand blending ritual. Or maybe they even want to stand up as a junior bridesmaid or groomsman. But having a child speak in front of your guests can be very stressful for them. They may be experiencing conflicting or uncertain emotions at the actual ceremony. Allow them the space they need to process the significance of your marriage.

If they are interested in participating, including children in your ceremony can provide memorable moments and great photos. But you’ll want to avoid trauma and stress if your children aren’t interested in joining in. You’ll have lots of time after the wedding day for your children to become more comfortable with the situation. Keep their thoughts and concerns front of mind while planning your special day.

Too Much of a Good Thing

 in Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony customization / custom ritual / customization / owl ring bearer / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony by


Too much of a good thing is possible in wedding ceremonies, too. I often encourage couples to personalize their wedding ceremonies with rituals and special moments that reflect them. But you can cross a line here. Using an interest or experience to create a memorable moment is a great idea, but do step back and consider the bigger picture.

Back in 2018 a couple in the UK decided to have an owl act as their ring bearer. I’m not sure if they had a particular interest in the animals, or were just looking for a “wow” moment. But they got more than expected. When the time came for the bird to deliver the rings, it decided it didn’t like the look of one of the best men in the wedding party, and it attacked. You can see pictures and read the whole story here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/27/owls-of-laughter-as-winged-ring-bearer-attacks-best-man The story recalls the enjoyment and laughter of the bride and groom. I expect that the attacked best man may have a different story to tell.

There are falconry businesses available in the US that will provide similar services – for a hefty price. If you have an interest in falconry or are planning a medieval themed wedding, this might be something you want to consider.

There are a number of ways this choice may be too much of a good thing. Here are just a few of them:

  • The cost is very high for this brief experience. Listed prices are around $1000 plus travel expenses.
  • If you are planning an indoor experience, or if weather forces you indoors, you’ll need to ensure your venue will permit the birds to fly.
  • These are wild animals, and as such are unpredictable. Consider how guests may react to a rogue or attacking bird.
  • Animal cruelty concerns must be vetted. Perhaps some handlers can assure you that their animals are not being harmed, but some of your guests may feel differently.

I am a fan of customizing your wedding ceremony and including unique rituals. Personally, I think owls/birds of prey as ring bearers is too much of a good thing. But you’ll have to make the decision for yourselves.