Yearly Archives: 2022

Loving on Marriage Equality

July 20, 2022 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Marriage Equality / Weddings tagged ceremony / marriage equality / same sex wedding / wedding / wedding ceremony by Kathy

Loving on marriage equality means welcoming and supporting couples of all genders and sexual orientations. It means working with them to help create a wedding ceremony that honors their love, and their commitment to each other. Now forces at work in our country are making noise about wanting to remove this right from some couples. So it means standing up and saying loudly that I support all couples.

I have proudly supported loving couples through the years. First with commitment ceremonies before marriage equality passed. Then by offering legal wedding ceremonies to couples of all genders and sexual orientations as soon as that became possible in Minnesota. I cheered when marriage equality was extended to everyone with the Obergefell v. Hodges decision in 2015. It has been a privilege and pleasure to work with same sex couples to craft inclusive, personal ceremonies.

Now, however, there are concerns that marriage equality rights could be at risk as this news article demonstrates. Bills have been introduced in the US House to secure marriage equality rights. But it is not clear if they will succeed in the US Senate.

While the bills are considered, some couples are seeking the protections of legal marriage now. Loving on marriage equality continues to be a cornerstone of my business, and I will continue to serve all couples without discrimination. Minnesota Life Celebrations is a safe space to design your ideal secular ceremony, whatever that looks like.

I invite all couples considering marriage to join me in loving on marriage equality where love wins for everyone.

Dealing with Unruly Guests

June 8, 2022 in Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings tagged unruly guests / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by Kathy

Dealing with unruly guests is occasionally a necessity at weddings. The need can arise from a variety of situations. Recently I became aware of an aunt who was sitting in the seats reserved for the groom’s parents. When family members suggested she move to another row of seats, she declined. I approached her and explained these seats were reserved for the parents who would be walking in at the beginning of the ceremony. She said they could sit elsewhere. I explained again and politely insisted that she move from those seats. She reluctantly moved.

Your celebrant can help in this kind of situation when it happens before the ceremony begins. Make sure you let them know where you want honored guests (parents, grandparents, etc) seated. Before the ceremony begins they can help ensure things are as you wish them to be.

Another helper in dealing with unruly guests is an usher. If you let them know who is to be seated in reserved seating, they can help ensure everyone is where you want them to be. Ushers can also handle late arriving guests. They can ensure that the late arrivals stay in the back until the processional is finished, and then help them discretely find seats. If a guest becomes disruptive during the ceremony an usher can assist them to leave the ceremony space.

Perhaps you have a family member or friend who is known to be disruptive. Perhaps they have a substance abuse issue, or are generally difficult. Asking another family member or friend to be their “buddy” for the day can help. This “minder” can stay close, and if the guest becomes loud, aggressive or disruptive, they can escort the person from the wedding.

For serious situations, you might even consider hiring professional security. I’ve had situations where an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend had caused trouble in the past. The couple was concerned they would show up and cause a disturbance at the wedding. They wanted them kept out of the venue altogether and hired security to remove that worry from their minds.

You can’t anticipate every situation that could occur when you’ve gathered a large group of family and friends. But knowing your guests and thinking through the possibilities makes dealing with unruly guests easier. Make sure to inform your wedding party, ushers, vendors, and celebrant about any concerns so we can help ensure a disruption free day for you.

Modern Wedding Parties

May 25, 2022 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Weddings tagged modern wedding parties by Kathy

Modern wedding parties are as diverse as the couples being married. No longer is it necessary to match the number of attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen). Or dress attendants identically. No longer do the genders of attendants need to match the person for whom they are standing up. Let’s consider what is most important about the people you choose for your wedding party.

The single most important attribute for inclusion in your wedding party is that the person be someone you are close to and who supports your choice to marry. These important people will work with you in planning your wedding. They will celebrate with you at bachelor or bachelorette parties. They may organize showers or other gatherings, too. On the wedding day itself, these important people will be with you throughout the day. They may gather for hair and make-up sessions. Or help you dress. They will stand with you during the ceremony and will celebrate with you throughout the reception. Bottom line, being an attendant at your wedding is often a job best reserved for your besties and your siblings (if you’re close).

Choosing your modern wedding parties is easier than in the past. You have flexibility in numbers, genders, and attire. If you happen to have four people who immediately come to mind when considering who will stand up for you, and your partner has three, this is not a problem. There are a few ways to handle uneven numbers:

Have the attendants enter as couples and a trio if the numbers are only off by one. Or have one attendant lead the way, followed by the rest as couples.
Have two attendants enter together and both step to one side if your numbers are off by two.
Have your attendants enter single file, alternating between standing on each side. Hint: no one will notice or care if two or even three attendants step to the same side in this approach.
Have all the attendants for one of the couple enter together as a group at the beginning of the processional, with the attendants for the other one of the couple following as a group.

A growing number of weddings have attendants of both genders (or non-binary individuals) for each member of the couple. It’s easy to ignore tradition in this case and have them enter two by two, but not on each others arm. Then it doesn’t matter if two women or two men are walking side by side. You can combine this approach if you have both uneven numbers and mixed genders among your attendants.

If your wedding party includes mixed gender attendants the question of dress often comes up. It’s perfectly acceptable to have the women in the party dress alike and the men as well. But you can also get creative here. A woman standing up for a groom can wear the same style dress as the bridesmaids, but in the groom’s attendants’ color. A man standing up for a bride can add a tie or shirt in the color of the female attendants. Some couples address this situation by simply asking their attendants to wear a certain color and everyone gets to choose their own style. The options are limited only by your creativity, using the comfort of your attendants as your guide.

We are fortunate to be living at a time when many “rules” about weddings are falling to the side. The make up of modern wedding parties benefits from this change. Surround yourself with the people most important to you on your wedding day and you’re sure to have a memorable time.

Honoring New Families at Weddings

May 11, 2022 in Blended family / Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony tagged blended family / ceremony / ceremony readings / handfasting / sand ceremony / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings with children by Kathy

Honoring new families at weddings extends the significance of the wedding ceremony beyond the couple. Opportunities to include family elements in your ceremony arise when there are children from this or previous relationships. The ways of honoring new families will vary depending on the ages of the children and on their interest in participating.

Often children of any age will be included in the wedding party. Perhaps as bridemaids, groomsmen, junior attendants or flower girls or ring bearers. It is important to understand the children’s interest in participating in this way. Even adult children may have unresolved feelings due to their parents’ divorce. No one should ever be placed in an uncomfortable public position during a wedding.

There are other ways to include your children in your ceremony that are more personal. Again, the age of the children will define appropriate options, but here are a few to consider:

For young children, there is a book called “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. This story can be offered as the reading during the ceremony. It assures the children that the couple will love them always. I’ve had a couple present a copy of the book to their daughters to follow along as the story was shared at the ceremony. This provided a meaningful memento of the day and can be read often. Other options for readings are “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton or excerpts from “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. These are stories the children will be able to relate to, that also share concepts appropriate for marriages.

Children of all ages can share in a Sand Ceremony ritual where different colored sand is blended creating a visual representation of the new blended family. Along this line I’ve also had family members each decorate a special stone or rock that is placed around a tree the couple has planted. If the children are of elementary age or older they can help with a handfasting ritual. They place ribbons across the parents’ clasped hands with each ribbon representing a wish for the couple and the family.

And lastly, gifts can be presented to the children to include them in this special day. Traditional gifts include necklaces or framed photos of the new family. I also had a new stepdad gift his stepson with a new hockey stick in honor of their shared love of the game. The more meaningful the gifts are the more they will connect with the children.

Each couple will decide how far they want to go in honoring new families at their ceremony. As with so many aspects of your wedding day, there are no right or wrong answers. Perhaps you want to keep the ceremony focused on your love and commitment as a couple. Or perhaps you want the children involved in many aspects of your ceremony and your wedding day as possible. Whatever choice you make, know that there are many options available to you, and working with your celebrant you’re sure to find ones that fit your situation.

Community Celebration of Marriage

April 13, 2022 in Celebration / Ceremony / Vow Renewals / Wedding Ceremony tagged celebration of marriage / community celebration / vow renewal ceremonies / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / weddings by Kathy

The idea of a community celebration of marriage is increasing in popularity for couples that have been married in small, private ceremonies. Covid has forced many couples to opt for a small, legal marriage when larger gatherings were not safe or possible. With restrictions easing, some couples are choosing to celebrate their marriage with family and friends now.

Small gathering due to Covid restrictions

In cases where you’re already legally married, you can, of course, opt to just host a party or reception. Choosing to include a ceremony in the community celebration, however, allows you to voice your promises to one another surrounded by the important people in your lives. Your exchange of vows (and optionally, rings) is the heart of any wedding day. Why not include it in a belated celebration you plan with family and friends?

This kind of ceremony is technically a Vow Renewal ceremony, since you’ve already exchanged some level of vows when you legally wed. But it can look like any other wedding ceremony. You can include a processional, wedding party, reading, love story, exchange of vow and rings, a unity ritual, and any other ceremony elements that are meaningful to you. The only difference will be that your celebrant will not “pronounce” you married. Instead they may say something like, “It is my honor to publicly announce that you are married,” or “It is my honor to present to you as a married couple…”. Working with a celebrant you can make your ceremony as personal and unique or as traditional as you wish.

Couples who married during the pandemic do not need to be cheated of the community celebration of marriage. After all, marriage is a social construct and benefits greatly from being recognized and celebrated with your community of family and friends.

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