Monthly Archives: May 2022

Modern Wedding Parties

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Weddings  tagged modern wedding parties by

Modern wedding parties are as diverse as the couples being married. No longer is it necessary to match the number of attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen). Or dress attendants identically. No longer do the genders of attendants need to match the person for whom they are standing up. Let’s consider what is most important about the people you choose for your wedding party.

The single most important attribute for inclusion in your wedding party is that the person be someone you are close to and who supports your choice to marry. These important people will work with you in planning your wedding. They will celebrate with you at bachelor or bachelorette parties. They may organize showers or other gatherings, too. On the wedding day itself, these important people will be with you throughout the day. They may gather for hair and make-up sessions. Or help you dress. They will stand with you during the ceremony and will celebrate with you throughout the reception. Bottom line, being an attendant at your wedding is often a job best reserved for your besties and your siblings (if you’re close).

Choosing your modern wedding parties is easier than in the past. You have flexibility in numbers, genders, and attire. If you happen to have four people who immediately come to mind when considering who will stand up for you, and your partner has three, this is not a problem. There are a few ways to handle uneven numbers:

  1. Have the attendants enter as couples and a trio if the numbers are only off by one. Or have one attendant lead the way, followed by the rest as couples.
  2. Have two attendants enter together and both step to one side if your numbers are off by two.
  3. Have your attendants enter single file, alternating between standing on each side. Hint: no one will notice or care if two or even three attendants step to the same side in this approach.
  4. Have all the attendants for one of the couple enter together as a group at the beginning of the processional, with the attendants for the other one of the couple following as a group.

A growing number of weddings have attendants of both genders (or non-binary individuals) for each member of the couple. It’s easy to ignore tradition in this case and have them enter two by two, but not on each others arm. Then it doesn’t matter if two women or two men are walking side by side. You can combine this approach if you have both uneven numbers and mixed genders among your attendants.

If your wedding party includes mixed gender attendants the question of dress often comes up. It’s perfectly acceptable to have the women in the party dress alike and the men as well. But you can also get creative here. A woman standing up for a groom can wear the same style dress as the bridesmaids, but in the groom’s attendants’ color. A man standing up for a bride can add a tie or shirt in the color of the female attendants. Some couples address this situation by simply asking their attendants to wear a certain color and everyone gets to choose their own style. The options are limited only by your creativity, using the comfort of your attendants as your guide.

We are fortunate to be living at a time when many “rules” about weddings are falling to the side. The make up of modern wedding parties benefits from this change. Surround yourself with the people most important to you on your wedding day and you’re sure to have a memorable time.

Honoring New Families at Weddings

 in Blended family / Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony  tagged blended family / ceremony / ceremony readings / handfasting / sand ceremony / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings with children by

Honoring new families at weddings extends the significance of the wedding ceremony beyond the couple. Opportunities to include family elements in your ceremony arise when there are children from this or previous relationships. The ways of honoring new families will vary depending on the ages of the children and on their interest in participating.

Often children of any age will be included in the wedding party. Perhaps as bridemaids, groomsmen, junior attendants or flower girls or ring bearers. It is important to understand the children’s interest in participating in this way. Even adult children may have unresolved feelings due to their parents’ divorce. No one should ever be placed in an uncomfortable public position during a wedding.

There are other ways to include your children in your ceremony that are more personal. Again, the age of the children will define appropriate options, but here are a few to consider:

For young children, there is a book called “Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. This story can be offered as the reading during the ceremony. It assures the children that the couple will love them always. I’ve had a couple present a copy of the book to their daughters to follow along as the story was shared at the ceremony. This provided a meaningful memento of the day and can be read often. Other options for readings are “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton or excerpts from “Oh the Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss. These are stories the children will be able to relate to, that also share concepts appropriate for marriages.

My Love Will Find You
Childrens book used for reading as a wedding that created a blended family

Children of all ages can share in a Sand Ceremony ritual where different colored sand is blended creating a visual representation of the new blended family. Along this line I’ve also had family members each decorate a special stone or rock that is placed around a tree the couple has planted. If the children are of elementary age or older they can help with a handfasting ritual. They place ribbons across the parents’ clasped hands with each ribbon representing a wish for the couple and the family.

Family Sand

And lastly, gifts can be presented to the children to include them in this special day. Traditional gifts include necklaces or framed photos of the new family. I also had a new stepdad gift his stepson with a new hockey stick in honor of their shared love of the game. The more meaningful the gifts are the more they will connect with the children.

Blended Family

Each couple will decide how far they want to go in honoring new families at their ceremony. As with so many aspects of your wedding day, there are no right or wrong answers. Perhaps you want to keep the ceremony focused on your love and commitment as a couple. Or perhaps you want the children involved in many aspects of your ceremony and your wedding day as possible. Whatever choice you make, know that there are many options available to you, and working with your celebrant you’re sure to find ones that fit your situation.