Monthly Archives: March 2022

Choosing an Inclusive Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Readings / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged inclusive ceremony / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding party by

Choosing an inclusive ceremony is becoming a popular option for couples being married. An inclusive ceremony is one that avoids gendered terms like his and hers. As we become more aware of discrimination based on gender and sexual identity, it’s thoughtful and welcoming to choose an inclusive ceremony.

Here are a few ways to have an inclusive ceremony:

  • Choose songs for the ceremony whose lyrics can apply to couples of all kinds.
  • Choose readings that avoid the use gendered pronouns like he/his and she/hers.
  • Ask your celebrant to avoid language that implies all couples are male/female. Rather speak to loving couples and partners without identifying specific sex or gender identities.
  • Choose your wedding party without regard to traditional gendered roles. Brides can have male bodied people stand up for them. Grooms can have female bodied people stand up for them. Choose your wedding party based on who you are closest to. Consider who will support you best on your wedding day, regardless of sex or gender identity.

Perhaps you are not a traditional male/female couple. Choosing an inclusive ceremony is an obvious choice for you. But traditional het couples request an inclusive ceremony to be more comfortable and respectful to some of their family and friends. You want everyone who attends your wedding ceremony to be able to feel the love you’ve found together. You also want them to be able to relate to the emotions being celebrated. To be able to envision themselves experiencing that kind of love. Choosing an inclusive ceremony makes that possible.

Discuss your desire for an inclusive ceremony when you first meet with your celebrant. If they aren’t willing to work with you to ensure that all your guests can see themselves in the ceremony experience, choose another celebrant. Request to review the ceremony draft to ensure that you are comfortable with the language being used. Each couple may have particular sensitivities so inclusive ceremonies are not “one size fits all”. But at the end of the day, you deserve to have a ceremony that you’re 100% comfortable with. Choosing an inclusive ceremony may be the perfect way to do that.

The Middle of the Road Ceremony

 in Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged elopement style wedding / personalized ceremony / personalized wedding / Vow exchange / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

The middle of the road ceremony that I call a Vow Exchange Ceremony might be the perfect solution for you. Perfect if you’re planning an intimate gathering of up to 20 people and want a short and sweet ceremony to join you in marriage. A Vow Exchange can be personalized by writing your own vows or selecting from some options I provide. It can include a ring exchange if you wish.

I offer three distinct kinds of ceremonies to meet everyone’s needs. Most ceremonies I create with clients are full, custom ceremonies. I work with couples over at least 5 months (and often much longer) to create a fully personalized ceremony. But sometimes that’s more than what you want or need. At the other end of the spectrum is a Certificate Signing Ceremony which is the minimum required for legal marriage in Minnesota. The Vow Exchange is the middle of the road ceremony. Perhaps you don’t like being the center of attention. Maybe this is a second or subsequent marriage for you and you don’t want a typical wedding extravaganza experience. It may be that you want to be married relatively quickly. Or perhaps an elopement style ceremony just fits you best at this moment in your lives.

Whatever the reason, I’ve seen increased requests for a Vow Exchange ceremony, and I’m happy to offer it. Lasting only about 5 – 7 minutes, it honors the commitment you are making to each other marriage, and includes all the essential aspects of a wedding ceremony. These ceremonies can take place in your home, outside in a park (weather permitting), or in a private room in a restaurant.

Some couples dress formally for a Vow Exchange. My most recent couple donned a tuxedo and white formal dress for theirs. But others opt for a more casual vibe, and it all works. Guests usually are limited to family or very close friends – again, a gathering of up to approximately 20 people. Most often there is no musical accompaniment, no processional and no wedding party. We simply gather your guests around so everyone can hear, and begin the ceremony.

All that said, a Vow Exchange Ceremony is still a significant and often emotional experience. Just because you don’t spend a year or more and tens of thousands of dollars planning your ceremony doesn’t make the moment any less a milestone moment in your life. Smiles and happy tears often abound as the couple makes their promises to each other. The world stops for a few moments as a commitment intended for a lifetime is shared.

Please reach out to me if you’re planning a wedding ceremony of any kind in the coming months, and I’ll be happy to discuss options with you. Perhaps you’ll find that the Vow Exchange, the middle of the road ceremony option, is the perfect fit for you.

Rejecting Ceremony Traditions

 in Ceremony / Personalized Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding traditions  tagged personalized wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / weddings by

Rejecting ceremony traditions when designing your wedding is sometimes a good thing to consider. Traditions can be wonderful and memorable, but can also be outdated or downright offensive. Selectively choosing the ceremony traditions that are meaningful to you allows the ceremony to be truly representative of you as a couple.

There are four ceremony traditions in particular that you will want to consider either jettisoning or significantly reworking.

  1. Giving away the bride. This tradition dates from the time when women were considered chattel to be passed from father to husband. If you choose to leave it out of your ceremony no one will miss it. If it’s important for some reason to include some version of it, consider having the celebrant ask, “Who supports this couple in their choice to marry?” All parents can stand and respond, “We all do.”
  2. Including, “love, honor and obey” in the vows. This can be easily modified to replace “obey” with “cherish”. Or select or write personal vows unique to the two of you.
  3. Including prayers or readings from holy books. If you’re planning a secular or non-religious ceremony but want to include a reading there are many lovely passages in literature and popular culture on love, marriage, friendship, and commitment that can be used.
  4. Having your celebrant offer a sermon or homily. Rejecting this traditional part of the wedding ceremony leaves space for sharing parts of your story as a couple, celebrating the love that has brought you to this moment.

Rejecting ceremony traditions makes sense if you find the tradition offensive in some way, or you just don’t want to spend time on it. Removing or modifying traditions does not take away from the ceremony experience. In fact, it can make the ceremony more personal and more interesting. Keep the focus on you as a couple, your values, your love and your commitment to each other in marriage.