Yearly Archives: 2020

Weddings are Still Weddings

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding vows / weddings by

Weddings are still weddings, but each is still unique, even in the time of COVID-19. Recently I performed three weddings in one day, making it easy to compare and contrast them. These were Vow Exchange ceremonies, shorter and simpler than full custom ceremonies, but each couple still made the experience uniquely their own.

So how were these ceremonies similar? All were planned within the last three months. This is common these days as the rules around gatherings continue to evolve and couples want to strike while they can. All three ceremonies were held outside on private land. We, luckily, had a beautiful fall day which simplified the gatherings. All of the ceremonies had smaller guest counts than they might have had during “normal” times, ranging from 14 to nearly 60 guests.

These three couples also demonstrated that weddings are still weddings with the ceremony choices they made. All had a processional moment (with or without music). All the brides were esorted into the ceremony space. All three couples chose the style of vows they were most comfortable with, and all of the ceremonies ended with a pronouncement and a kiss.

There were some differences between the weddings, too. Two of the weddings had attendants – bridesmaids and groomsmen, or at least a maid of honor and best man. One of the couples had multiple couples attending them, and opted for gowns and tuxes. The other weddings opted for more casual attire. Two couples included a ring exchange as part of the ceremony, but one did not. Only one couple setup chairs with a traditional aisle while another had guests sitting at tables. At the third wedding guests stood nearby while keeping some distance between them.

One thing – the most important thing – about each of these weddings is that at the end of the day each couple embarked on a new adventure together as a married couple. Our resilience as human beings was demonstrated by all three of these couples. They found a way to honor their love and commitment to each other, even during a pandemic. They proved that in this challenging year of 2020 weddings are still weddings and love finds a way.

The Impact of Changing Seasons

 in Celebration / Ceremony / COVID-19 / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / wedding celebration / wedding ceremony / wedding concerns / weddings by

The impact of changing seasons on wedding plans is always significant. Indoors or outdoors? Pastels, autumn tones or holiday colors? Concerns with thunderstorms or blizzards? This year we have to add COVID-19 to the list of things impacting wedding planning.

Most obvious here in Minnesota is the shift from outdoor gatherings to indoor celebrations as the weather cools and the days shorten. While there is still much we don’t know about this virus, we do know that it is more easily transmitted indoors. So moving your ceremony and reception indoors is going to increase the risk of passing the virus among your guests.

The impact of changing seasons can also be seen on the news where stories of university parties sparking cases, outbreaks in schools, and even this week’s news of the first outbreaks among NFL teams are all part of this year’s fall experience. The common thread here is people gathering in new combinations, often in enclosed spaces. In wedding terms, this means increased risk when people travel for a wedding or gather with people they haven’t seen in awhile.

One final impact we’re seeing really doesn’t have to do with the season as much as the fact that we’ve been dealing with this pandemic for more than half a year now. People are getting tired of being careful, of covering their faces, of staying apart, of being isolated. This results in resistance to the safety precautions we’ve all been encouraged to take.

At recent weddings I’ve seen very, very few masks. I’ve seen people gathered closely together for ceremonies with chairs set right up against each other. I’ve seen lots of loving hugs and lots of celebratory shouts and whistles. All my recent wedding ceremonies have been outdoors, so hopefully the risk of spreading the virus is relatively low. But the impact of changing seasons means ceremonies and receptions are moving inside where the risk of these behaviors will escalate.

I can’t imagine the pain and guilt a couple would feel if their wedding became a superspreader event and some of their loved ones or even people they’ve never met became ill or worse. I encourage everyone planning a wedding in the coming months to carefully consider the risks of gatherings at this time. Decide how large (or small) a gathering is appropriate and safe. Evaluate associated activities like dancing for their risks. Consider a legal ceremony this winter, with a delayed, but hopefully larger and safer celebration later next year. The impacts of changing seasons will again be in our favor next year as we move into spring and summer. Those might be perfect months for your wedding, too.

Finding Your Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Secular wedding / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged legal wedding / selecting wedding celebrant / selecting wedding officiant / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding your wedding officiant is one of the most significant decisions you will make about your wedding. Your ceremony is the element of your wedding day that legally marries you – what the day is all about. It is also the first “public” event of day, where your guests gather with you and your wedding party. Your ceremony sets the tone for the rest of your day, so you want to select an officiant who can create that celebratory first impression to get things started on a high note.

A recent article in Brides magazine includes not only information about officiant costs, but has a great set of questions you can ask a potential officiant. The article closes with some considerations to help guide you in making the right final decision. It’s definitely worth a read before you embark on the task of finding your wedding officiant.

Clarification on some terms may help you in choosing your officiant, too. Most broadly, an officiant is the person who will legally marry you. They may be religious, secular or civil, but if they have the legal standing to marry you, they are an officiant. Religious officiants include priests, ministers, rabbis, etc. Civil officiants, depending on your state laws, may carry Judge, Notary, or similar titles. Secular officiants often, but not always, use the title Celebrant. But beware though, the celebrant title does not have a consistent definition, so anyone can call themselves a celebrant. You’ll want to ask a few questions about any officiant’s education, training and experience before choosing to work with them.

It’s also important to understand how each potential officiant works with clients. You may want to ask questions including:

  • Do we get to see the ceremony script ahead of time?
  • Can we make/request changes to the ceremony script?
  • How do you personalize the ceremony for us?
  • Can we write our own vows? Select our own music?
  • How do we best communicate with each other – email, phone, text?

There aren’t right or wrong questions to the questions above. It is important, however, that you have a good understanding of and are comfortable with the answers the officiant provides.

So go ahead and begin your search for your officiant as soon as you have your wedding date and venue identified. Finding your wedding officiant can feel like a daunting task. You’ll find, however, that most officiants are approachable, kind, and are willing to guide your initial discussion if you prefer. They are the professionals after all, and have more experience than you do.

Child Welcoming Ceremonies: A Beautiful Way to Begin

 in Welcoming Ceremony  tagged baby welcoming / child welcoming / family ceremony / welcoming ceremony by

Child Welcoming ceremonies are a beautiful way to welcome a new child to your family. Whether through birth, adoption, or fostering, a new child in the family is always cause for celebration.

Often thought of as an alternative to religious Baptisms or Christenings, a Child Welcoming ceremony can be both so much more and much less than those ceremonies. Child Welcoming ceremonies are secular or non-religious in nature. For couples and families who are not religious, they are a great way to celebrate the new addition to your family.

Child Welcomings most often include some or all of these elements:

  • Naming the child
  • Promises from the parents to the child
  • Naming of guideparents/mentors
  • Promises from the guideparents to the child
  • A ritual to symbolize welcoming to child to the family and community
  • A reading or story
  • A gift or remembrance of the day
A tree planting to celebrate a new child.

Rituals may include a tree planting in the child’s honor or notes and letters from attendees for the child to have as a keepsake. At a recent welcoming the parents had a puzzle made with pictures of each attendee with the child. During the ceremony the guests placed their pictures in the puzzle. As the child plays with the puzzle the story of the ceremony and the love of these important people in their life can be shared.

Practically, with a little one involved, the ceremony needs to be relatively brief. Fifteen to 20 minutes is about as long as you want it to last. You’ll want it to be casual, and if the child is mobile, expect they will be on the move during the ceremony. Child Welcoming ceremonies are usually held at home, with close family and maybe a few friends in attendance.

Working with a celebrant you can craft a fun, meaningful ceremony to celebrate the new child and the new roles for parents and siblings. Marking milestone moments in life in an authentic way is possible and limited only by your creativity and interest.

Wedding Ceremonies 2020 Style

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Personalization / Wedding Party / Weddings  tagged COVID-19 / livestream / Social distancing / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Wedding Ceremonies 2020 style have changed due to COVID. And the truth is that these changes may last well into 2021. So if you’re planning to get married this year or even next year, it’s time to move toward acceptance of that fact, and then plan a memorable wedding day. Memorable may not look exactly like you expected it to last year, but it can be special, safe, sincere and significant.

Here are some ways to make wedding ceremonies 2020 style safe and special:

  • Reduce the size of your guest list: This can be tricky if save the dates or invitations are already out, but everyone understands the situation. You’ll want to stay aware of all state and local public health requirements so you are in compliance.
  • Provide custom masks for your guests: These can be simple disposable masks in your wedding colors, or elaborate ones with your monogram embroidered on them. While an added cost, the reduced guest list will make this more manageable.
  • Small or no wedding party: If you’re only going to have a few people at the wedding, you don’t want them all standing up with you. You also avoid issues with social distancing of your wedding party by limiting attendants to only one each for you and your fiance(e). Better yet, opt to go without a wedding party at all, and keep the focus on the two of you. You can have any guests of your choice serve as your official witnesses.
  • Seat your guests by household, with social distancing between each group: You can use sofas, hay bales, chairs or any other seating to accomplish this, but some creativity here can create a lovely visual.
  • Invest in a streaming service for your ceremony: Since only a small number of your community can be present in person, it’s a great idea to have someone livestream or Zoom your ceremony. A professional can provide this service so all your in person guests can focus on being truly present for your ceremony.
  • For a punch of interest, try a reverse receiving line: At the end of your ceremony, have your guests line the aisle by household, socially distanced, of course. Spread them out so you can walk down the aisle without getting too close to them. Then turn from side to side as a couple, pausing to acknowledge each group with smiles, receive their congratulations, and exchange a few words. It won’t take too long with only a few guests present, and can provide a great way for you to exit the ceremony space.

Wedding ceremonies 2020 style are certainly different than the large scale extravaganzas we’ve become used to in recent years. But there are still opportunities for you to customize your ceremony and your day to fit your style. Keeping the health and safety of your guests in mind shows your consideration and love for them, and allows everyone to celebrate with you in some way. In January of this year no one expected that wedding ceremonies 2020 style would be so radically different from previous years, but your wedding will be memorable in its own way.