Yearly Archives: 2019

Leaving Tradition Behind

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding traditions / wedding trends / weddings by

Leaving tradition behind on your wedding day can allow you to personalize your event and also reduce the stress of the day. In recent weeks I’ve written about leaving tradition behind with regard to your wedding party and ceremony helpers. Today let’s consider other wedding ceremony traditions that are falling out of favor with couples.

Runners – These have been used for ages, first to keep “devils” from coming up through the stone floors in churches, and to help keep wedding dresses clean. However, runners at outdoor ceremonies are asking for trouble as the picture below shows. If you want to highlight your aisle, consider using flower petals as illustrated in the second picture.

Runner on a windy day

Veils, especially veils over the bride’s face – While veils are a wonderful finishing touch for a bride, they can cause problems at outdoor ceremonies when they catch on twigs or blow in the wind. Since the bride’s identity is no longer a secret, veils are a fashion statement these days and not a necessity. Fascinators, decorative combs, clips or pins are often used by modern brides and carry over gracefully to the reception, too.

Giving away the bride – This is another antiquated concept that was part of wedding ceremonies when the bride was chattel being legally transferred from father to groom. It’s perfectly OK to pass on this part of the ceremony. No one will miss it, and it feels pretty inappropriate for many couples who have established their own lives and professions in advance of marriage.

Using “man and wife” when pronouncing the couple married. Currently options include “husband and wife”, “husbands together” or “wives together”. This keeps the couple on equal footing grammatically and offers options for same sex couples.

Similarly, the traditional introduction of “Mr and Mrs John Smith” is often replaced with “Mr and Mrs John and Mary Smith”, “… as a married couple, John Smith and Mary Jones”, or simply, “… as a married couple, John and Mary.” These options identify you as equal partners in the marriage and work well for same sex couples and couples where neither partner is changing their name.

If you find value or enjoyment in wedding traditions, it’s fine to incorporate them into your ceremony, but leaving tradition behind when planning your wedding is equally fine. Choose rituals, language, decor and attire that represents you as a couple, and it will feel comfortable and authentic.

Same Sex Weddings: What’s Different?

 in Ceremony / Readings / Same se weddings / Weddings  tagged ceremonies / inclusive ceremonies / same sex weddings / wedding ceremonies / wedding processional / weddings by

Same sex weddings have been legal for a few years now, and I’m happy and honored to include same sex couples in the clients I’ve served. As we leave Pride month behind for 2019, it’s an opportunity to reflect on what is different about same sex weddings and to celebrate marriage equality once more.

Anne & Allie

The first difference is that we have two brides or two grooms. Using some creativity we can come up with many different kinds of processional arrangements to welcome each of you to your ceremony. Maybe we “book-end” the processional with one partner entering first, and the other one last. Or perhaps we have each of you escorted to the front at the end of the processional, one after the other. Perhaps you would like to enter together. If your venue allows, you can also have the chairs set for two aisles and enter at the same time, from two different aisles, meeting at the front.

Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.
Seth & Derek. Same sex weddings.

Another difference for same sex couples is an increased focus on inclusive language. We refer to you using language you prefer – brides, grooms, partners, and eventually as husbands, wives or spouses. It’s important to make your preferences known to your celebrant so we can use language that is authentic and comfortable for you.

Dusti & Val. Same sex weddings.

Using inclusive language throughout the ceremony is respectful of you and your guests, even when the couple is made up of a bride and groom. Inclusive language includes readings, reflections, vows and pronouncements. All your guests will feel more connected to the ceremony if it represents their relationships, too.

Same sex couples have also led the way with redefining wedding parties. No longer must there be equal numbers of men and women in the party. Same sex weddings are the perfect time to pick your party based on close relationships and those who support you as a couple. Coordinated attire is also often not required, with wedding parties reflecting the personal style of the attendants.

Same sex weddings are now legal in all US states, and we celebrate all loving couples who choose to make a loving commitment to each other in marriage.

Modern Ceremony Helpers, Leaving Tradition Behind

 in Ceremony / Trends / Weddings  tagged escorts / modern ceremonies / modern ceremony helpers / ushers / wedding ceremony / wedding helpers / weddings by

Modern ceremony helpers provide great support for you on your wedding day. Last week I wrote about how couples are selecting modern wedding parties to surround themselves with the important people in their lives on their wedding day. Today we look at leaving tradition behind with regard to your ceremony helpers to achieve that same goal.

There are many opportunities to include family and close friends in your wedding ceremony, and you have even greater flexibility when you choose to leave tradition behind as you choose those modern ceremony helpers. Ushers are a great place to start. Ushers may escort guests to their seats, distribute ceremony programs, provide directions to restrooms, parking, and the ceremony space. Ushers were traditionally male relatives or friends of the groom. Today this role can be filled with friends or relatives of yours or your partner’s and can be any gender. Some couples use the terms “host and hostess”, or “greeters” for these helpers to be more inclusive. Select outgoing people who will be comfortable greeting and assisting your guests and making them feel welcome at your ceremony.

Traditionally an usher has served as the escort for your parents during the processional, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Having the groom escort his parents into the ceremony space is becoming more common as a way to give him a moment comparable to the bride’s entrance. I’ve also seen the bride’s parents enter together, with the dad seating his wife and then returning to the back to escort the bride at the end of the processional. Sometimes parents enter together at the beginning of the processional with you and your partner entering as a couple at the end. Another option is to select a close relative to escort parents – someone they are close to and want to share this special moment with.

There is one more twist on modern ceremony helpers that needs to be mentioned – flower grandmas. This trend has your grandmas replacing traditional flower girls, spreading flower petals as they enter before taking their seats for the ceremony. Especially if there aren’t grandpas present to escort these ladies, it can be a special way to include these important women in your wedding day.

You can be creative in selecting your modern ceremony helpers. Don’t feel constrained by tradition, but rather focus on who you want to have near you and supporting you on your wedding day.

Modern Wedding Parties, Leaving Tradition Behind

 in Wedding Party / Weddings  tagged attendants / modern wedding parties / wedding / wedding parties / wedding party by

Modern wedding parties can look very different than your parents’ wedding parties. Couples are leaving tradition behind as they seek to surround themselves with the people most important to them on their wedding day. Same sex couples have taken the lead in redefining the rules for wedding parties, and everyone is benefiting.

Traditionally, the bride had a number of female friends and/or relatives stand with her as bridesmaids, and the groom had an equal number of men stand with him. These days couples are more concerned with having the most significant people in their lives share in the wedding day as attendants. Gender no longer matters, so if a bride has one sibling who happens to be a brother, he can serve as her honor attendant or man of honor. Similarly, a groom can have his sister stand with him as his honor attendant or best woman.

Another tradition that is being left behind is the idea that the couple must have the same number of attendants standing with them. If one partner has 3 “besties” and the other partner has 2… or 4, it’s fine. Attendants can enter singly or as trios, or as combinations of pairs and trios. Two men or two women can enter together by simply walking next to each other (no need to link arms or have one escort the other).

With the traditions falling away and modern wedding parties becoming more eclectic, you may need to decide how you want your attendants to dress. Do women standing up for a groom wear a tux, a matching bridesmaid’s dress, or possibly a dress in the color of the tuxes or suits that male attendants for the groom are wearing? And conversely, do men standing up for the bride wear attire to match the groomsmen (possibly with a tie and pocket square to match the bridesmaids’ dresses), or possibly a suit or tux to match the bridesmaids’ dresses if possible – think navy blue or cream?

As a couple, you have free rein to select the people you wish to have join you as your wedding party. You can decide with them what you want them to wear. Your celebrant can help you figure out the logistics for the processional and recessional. The important thing is to have the special people in your life closest to you during the ceremony and reception as you celebrate your special love.

Backup Ceremony Venue: An Important Part of Your Wedding Plans

 in Ceremony / Venue / Weddings  tagged bad weather venue / wedding ceremony / wedding venue / wedding venues by

Selecting a backup ceremony venue in case of bad weather is an important part of your wedding plans. No matter how meticulously you plan each aspect of your wedding day, the weather is out of your control. By selecting an appropriate backup venue you remove a significant unknown and reduce your stress.

If you are planning an outdoor ceremony, having a backup ceremony venue and plan is absolutely essential in Minnesota. Our weather is so variable that you can encounter snow in May, severe storms throughout the summer, and chill winds by September. But if you’ve identified a good backup ceremony venue you can approach your wedding day confident that you’ll have a beautiful, memorable day regardless of the weather.

So what are the characteristics of a good back up ceremony venue? Ideally, it will be in the same location as your outdoor ceremony venue. This allows your guests to arrive at the same location regardless of weather. If this is not possible, you’ll need to have a very detailed communication plan to let your guests know which venue to go to on the wedding day. Make sure that you have other people prepared to execute the communication plan as you and your wedding party will be busy with other activities before the ceremony.

Your backup ceremony venue also needs to be a place that you can envision using for your ceremony. Make sure you know where you will enter from, where the chairs will be set up, what the lighting is like, and if it is air conditioned or heated as needed. Consider accessibility for your guests, and think about what pictures will look like in this space.

With plans in place for your backup ceremony venue, a final consideration will be when you need to make the final decision on an inside or outside ceremony. Some venues require 24 or even 48 hours notice to prepare the ceremony venue, while others are more flexible. Remember, too, that you may need to notify all guests of the location change, so leave time to put your communication plan into effect. A last suggestion – once you make the call to move inside, don’t second guess yourself. Embrace the idea, knowing you selected an indoor venue you can be happy with, and move forward to enjoy your wedding day to the fullest. You’re marrying the love of your life, and everything else is less important.