Yearly Archives: 2018

Are Wedding Readings Required?

 in Ceremony / Readings / Weddings  tagged personal ceremonies / wedding readings / weddings by

“Are wedding readings required?” is a question I often get when meeting with couples to plan their wedding ceremony. The simple answer is no. Readings from holy books are often required in religious ceremonies, but the secular ceremonies I create for couples are bound only by state marriage law, and that says nothing about readings. So as an engaged couple, you are able to decide if a reading (or two) is something you want to include in include in your ceremony… or not.

Many couples have a song that they associate with their relationship, but many fewer have a poem or piece of prose that they are emotionally connected to. If you have such a text, this is the perfect reading to include in your ceremony. Or maybe you’re a poetry or literature lover and know the selection you’ve dreamed of having as part of your wedding day. Perfect. Go for it. But honestly, it is the rare couple I encounter who fits this description. Many think they have to have a reading, but have no idea what it should be.

If you fall into this category, don’t worry, your celebrant can provide options and choices for wedding readings and you can look at option online, too. A good reading will connect to your story and the rest of the ceremony, becoming an integral part of the ceremony experience, not a random piece bolted on to fulfill a requirement. I’m writing for a couple right now who have endured many separations over the course of their relationship. They are considering a reading called “I Will Be There” by Stephen Curtis Chapman which repeats the line, “I will be there” throughout the reading. For them, it honors the way they have been there for each other in the past, while also being an integral part of the promise they are making to each other in marriage – to always be there for each other. The bonus is that they found and selected the reading on their own.

If you don’t find a reading that really “speaks” to you, it is perfectly acceptable to not have a reading in your ceremony. Another reason to leave a reading out is if you are trying to manage the length of your ceremony and the other parts – your story, vows, rings, unity ritual, etc – are more important to you. One of the great benefits of choosing a secular wedding ceremony is that there are very few requirements you must comply with. So now you know that wedding readings are not required, but, if well chosen, can highlight a characteristic of you as a couple, or share your view of love and marriage in a way that enhances your overall ceremony. The choice is yours.

Creative Use of Music

 in Ceremony / Music / Weddings  tagged ceremony music / creative / creative music / music by

Creative use of music can enhance your wedding ceremony experience. I recently read an article in Brides magazine that sparked a few thoughts for new ways to add meaning to your ceremony with music.

Look up the top wedding song for the years you and your fiance(e) were born in the article linked above. Maybe you want to include those songs in the prelude or postlude music lists (while your guests are being seated or as they are leaving the ceremony space). This is an interesting way to bridge the past and present in your ceremony.

If your parents are still married, a sweet tribute to them would be to have the top wedding song from the year they married played as they enter the ceremony space. This is easy to do for the groom’s parents as they usually enter the ceremony space together, but can be a little trickier for the bride’s parents. There is a graceful way to make this a special moment for your parents even if your dad will be walking you up the aisle. Your parents can enter together to the song from their wedding year, share a hug and kiss, have your mom sit down and your dad return to the back to prepare to escort you in.

An even more personal approach for the parents would be to have a conversation with them about their wedding ceremony. Ask what they remember about it – readings, music, anything special they included in their ceremony? If they remember a special song and it works with your ceremony plans, playing it in their honor as they enter could create a very special moment for all of you. At the very least, sharing the conversation and memories with your parents will be a bonding moment for everyone.

Creative use of music is one more way to make your wedding ceremony uniquely yours. Make sure to keep track of the music used in your wedding ceremony so you can share a similar discussion with your children years from now as they plan their weddings, too.

New Themes for Your Wedding

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged natural theme / new ceremony theme / new theme / wedding theme by

Consider new themes for your wedding to give it a fresh and personal look. I’m not a proponent of contrived themes in wedding ceremonies, but having a unifying idea or thread that runs through your ceremony can pull it all together and connect it to you as a couple. While we’re all familiar with holiday themes around Christmas, New Years and even the Fourth of July, consider utilizing some of the natural holidays of the year if your ceremony will take place near one of them.

I’m referring to the Winter and Summer Solstices and the Spring and Fall Equinoxes. Today marks the Spring Equinox – the day when the hours of daylight and darkness are equal. If this was your wedding day, the concepts of balance and equality in your marriage could be used. The idea of maintaining balance within yourself as an individual and as a part of this couple could be meaningful for some.

Summer Solstice ceremonies could invoke the image of the light that your love brings to your life. Or the growth that the sun’s light provides to the natural world, and the growth that your love will experience through marriage.

High summer wedding at Rochester Golf and Country Club

New themes for weddings around the Fall Equinox could focus on the beauty and colors the Fall season brings, the richness of the harvest of your love, or your confidence in the constancy of the cycles of life and love.

If you opt for a mid-December wedding, you can use the Winter Solstice as a metaphor for the confidence you have in your love as never ending and always changing. Candles in your decor and rituals could be lovely additions to your ceremony.

Whatever your wedding date, especially if you are having an outdoor wedding, consider new themes for your wedding based on the natural calendar and the natural world. There are many parallels to be drawn and ideas you can leverage throughout your ceremony via music, decor, readings and ritual to connect the ideas of love and marriage to the world around us.

New Ideas for Ceremony Backdrops

 in Ceremony / Decor / Weddings  tagged ceremony backdrops / wedding decor by

New ideas for ceremony backdrops can focus and freshen your ceremony venue. Outdoor ceremony spaces, while wonderful and green, can be so open as to be unfocused. If a natural backdrop – a row of evergreens or colorful flowerbeds isn’t available – there are ways to create a focal point for your ceremony.

You may think indoor ceremony spaces avoid this issue, but in many cases you would be wrong. I’ve been in many ballroom spaces where the wall behind the ceremony space is spattered with lit exit signs, banks of light switches, or even in one unfortunate space, restroom doors. These serve as distractions for the guests, but also mar every picture taken during the ceremony.

This article from Brides.com offers some new and creative ideas for ceremony backdrops.

Ceremony backdrops can also provide an opportunity for you to personalize your ceremony space. Use of color, materials and images that are significant to you as a couple allow the ceremony backdrop to both frame your ceremony and communicate something about you. How wonderful to capture that as part of your ceremony message.

Three Things Ensure a Memorable Wedding Day

 in Weddings  tagged memorable wedding by

Three things ensure a memorable wedding day that will be perfect for you. Every couple planning their wedding day right now knows how overwhelming it can be and how many tasks need to be attended to. But by focusing on three things you can be confident that your day will be what you want it to be.

Here are the three things to stay focused on:
1. Decide together on four or five things that are the most important to you. Invest your time and money on those things first. You can invest less in the many other tasks that will need to be handled, and may even choose to delegate some of those tasks to family members and friends who offer to help. A great example of this is the couple who identified a meaningful ceremony, good food, time together, and a fun reception as the most important things to them. They engaged a florist friend to handle decor and the mothers to provide welcome bags for out of town guests staying at hotels.

2. Keep traditions you like, and jettison the rest. If you find the garter and bouquet toss creepy, feel free to exclude them from your celebration. If you like the idea of having your dad escort you down the aisle, that is what you should do. Wedding traditions are great, but your preferences and what is authentic for you are always more important.

3. Make time for each other. The wedding day is all about you as a couple, but it takes some focus and effort to make time for you to savor the day together. Many activities will take you away from each other, or keep you surrounded by others, so make sure you plan for some snippets of time throughout the day for the two of you to share some personal, private moments. A first look, a few quiet minutes together after your ceremony, and a break in a quiet space during the reception give you time to treasure the experience… together.

Using these three things as a guide you’ll have a wedding day that puts your priorities first and keep the two of you at the center of the day. And that ensures a memorable day that will be perfect for you.