Yearly Archives: 2018

One Size Doesn’t Fit All

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Venue / Weddings  tagged wedding / wedding choices by

I’m in Las Vegas for a conference as I write this week’s blog, and am being reminded that one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to weddings. From the moment I arrived I’ve been seeing ads and billboards for wedding chapels. They are stand alone buildings on the street, special spaces in the hotels, gazebos on the grounds and more. I’ve also seen brides-to-be and their entourage out on the town enjoying bachelorette parties.

While the idea of a Vegas wedding or party seems unappealing to some, it is obviously big business here, and the right choice for some people. In the same way, a barn wedding or a church wedding or a ceremony in a state park may not be your ideal, but it is great that each of those options exist because they are some else’s ideal. The point is that each couple should be able to have the kind of wedding they want.

Beyond venue, the idea that one size doesn’t fit all extends to the ceremony itself. Some people focus on the music, others spend a lot of time selecting meaningful readings, and many couples work to find or write the perfect vows that articulate the promises they are making to each other in marriage. Some people want a brief, but full ceremony – 20 minutes or so, while others are happy to spend 30 minutes for the ceremony experience. On the other end of the spectrum are couples who select a very brief ceremony – elopement style – with an exchange of vows and rings, a few words before and after, and only their witnesses present. And the simplest option is to meet the state requirements for marriage with a certificate signing where you only acknowledge your desire to marry and then have your witnesses and officiant sign the paperwork. Each of these options has the same end result – you are legally married. But for each couple there is an option that best matches your vision for your ideal.

The one size doesn’t fit all maxim can be applied to all aspects of your wedding day – from size of wedding party to formality of attire, from size of guest list to the food served, from time of day to time of year. While it is easy to be overwhelmed by all the choices involved in planning your wedding, you can be grateful that options abound for each of the decisions you need to make because truly, one size doesn’t fit all, but there is a size out there that does fit you. Happy planning!

Handfasting Done Your Way

 in Ceremony / Rituals / Weddings  tagged handfasting / unity ritual / wedding ceremony by

Handfasting is a ritual that has its roots in the Middle Ages in Ireland and Scotland. It is where the phrase “tying th knot” in relation to marriage comes from. It has also historically been used in Pagan or Wiccan ceremonies. Handfasting, however, has been modernized, secularized and come into its own as a unity ritual in contemporary wedding ceremonies.

Handfasting rituals these days can be done a number of different ways based on your personal priorities and preferences. The simplest handfasting ritual involves a single cord or sash that is wrapped loosely around your joined hands while words about the way you are choosing to bind yourselves together in marriage and for your future are offered. In this kind of handfasting the material wrapped around your hands can be significant… or not. I’ve had a couple use a sash made from the bride’s wedding gown when it was shortened, and couple use a brightly colored sash made by the bride’s mom in a lovely and substantial braided pattern. I’ve also had couples purchase a simple decorative cord from a local craft shop in a neutral color or in one of the wedding colors.

Handfasting with parents' assistance

A more elaborate handfasting ritual is possible using colored ribbons. Each ribbon represents a wish for you as a married couple. The wish is spoken as the ribbon is draped over your hands, and when all the wishes/ribbons have been placed they are tied as a group. Again the ribbons themselves can have minimal or significant meaning. For example I worked with a same sex couple shortly after marriage equality passed. They opted to have ribbons in the colors of the rainbow used for their handfasting ritual. Other couples have used ribbons in the colors of their wedding day, and I just wrote a handfasting ritual for a couple of nature lovers using ribbons the colors of sun, sky, trees and the earth.

While some celebrants perform the physical act of the handfasting, I prefer to have you invite family members or friends to do the wrapping and tying while I stand to the side and explain the significance or offer the wishes. This is a great way to include special people in your ceremony and provides visual power as they support your choice to marry by participating in the ritual.

Your handfasting ritual can be customized to your preferences and is one more way to personalize your wedding ceremony. While you are considering possible unity rituals for your ceremony, don’t forget handfasting and its many options for a meaningful, powerful and fun option.

3 Common Pitfalls in Wedding Planning

 in Weddings  tagged wedding pitfalls / wedding planning by

Understanding 3 common pitfalls in wedding planning can help you avoid them and reach your wedding day on good terms with everyone and ready to celebrate your love and marriage. The months leading up to your wedding day are emotional ones for everyone involved. It’s helpful to remember that the day is important for the two of you, obviously, but also for your parents and children if you have them. So let’s look at the most common pitfalls and some ways to minimize, avoid or cope with them.

1. Dealing with suggestions and demands from many quarters. The most effective way to deal with all the people who have opinions about your day is to have a discussion early on between you and your fiance(e). Decide which elements of your day are most important to you and what your want them to look like or have happen. With this clear understanding between you, you can hear all the suggestions and demands, decide if they enhance the things that are important to you, and politely disregard the rest. Make sure you’re on the same page as a couple, so if you get pushback from your fiance(e)’s family or friends they can speak to their “people” and you don’t have to look like the bad guy/gal.

2. Letting mole hills become mountains. When you’re stressed and exhausted it is very easy to become overwhelmed with each and every wedding task. This is another time you can pull out your list of things you’ve decided are important to you. If the issue before you does not relate to one of the important elements, it’s a key for you to take a step back. You might choose to delegate the task, to compromise, or to simply let it go.

3. Procrastinating. Most people choose their venue and date early on. Key vendors including photographer, musicians and celebrant follow shortly thereafter. And then many couples take a breather. It’s easy for time to slip away, especially if you have a long engagement. If you know you tend to procrastinate, utilize a planning guide to stay on top of planning tasks in a rational order. One caveat here – know your area. Some geographies have venues that book 18 months to 2 years out, and if there are limited vendors available, they, too will book quickly. – the planning guides may not be accurate. Another way to reduce the seemingly overwhelming list of tasks which can lead to procrastination is to delegate some of the work – utilize family, friends, your wedding party and especially your fiance(e) to share the load. Make sure you check in occasionally to ensure things are happening, and show lots of appreciation – words, cards, a small gift card to a favorite coffee shop, pick up the tab at lunch where you discuss wedding task status,etc so the people you delegated to feel seen and appreciated.

Using these tips you can avoid or minimize the 3 common pitfalls in wedding planning, and reach your wedding day with important relationships intact. Remember, it’s a special day, but only a day, and the reason for it all lies ahead of you as you build your life together in marriage.

Ceremony Programs – A Personalization Tool

 in Ceremony / Programs / Weddings  tagged ceremony programs / order of service / programs / wedding programs by

Ceremony Programs are an oft debated topic: Do we need them? Do we want them? What should be on them? What should they look like? As with most questions encountered when planning your wedding there are no right or wrong answers, only the right and wrong answers for you. So let me share some thoughts on ceremony programs.

Ceremony programs have traditionally been used to guide guests through the wedding ceremony and to identify members of your wedding party. And they can be as simple as that. But they can also include much more information and even serve multiple purposes. For example, you can include a thank you to parents or a remembrance of grandparents who have died. You can also share directions or schedule information such as, “Guests are invited to proceed directly from the ceremony to social hour at the Stone Barn.”

Beyond simple information sharing, ceremony programs provide an opportunity for more personalization. I’ve seen programs formatted as newspapers with brief columns on the couples’ history and activities. Mini-bios on your wedding party allow your guests to understand the history you share. If you really want to have fun with your program, consider reserving one side for Mad Libs or a crossword puzzle based on the two of you.

And finally, your ceremony programs can serve multiple purposes. Printed on heavy paper and mounted on a stick, they become fans to help keep your guests comfortable. Attach a packet of seeds to the ceremony programs and they deliver your favors to your guests. And if you are marrying at the height of summer, you can tie your ceremony programs to bottles of water. Your guests will appreciate the thoughtful gesture.

While ceremony programs are an optional part of your wedding day, if you choose to have one, consider investing a bit of time and creativity to make it memorable and personal.

Humanist Celebrants and Ceremonies in the News

 in Ceremony / Humanist Celebrant / Officiant  tagged celebrant training / Humanist celebrants / wedding ceremonies by

Humanist Celebrants and ceremonies are in the news with this post at thehumanist.com

Wedding ceremony clients

I was recently invited to write about the fulfilling work I do as a Humanist Celebrant, with a focus on the training available to do the job well. I’m fortunate to have obtained training from both the Celebrant Foundation and Institute and the Humanist Center for Education as I started this work over eight years ago. The training focused on ideas that have become the cornerstone of my celebrant practice:
– working with clients who seek a meaningful but religion-free ceremony.
– collaborating with clients to provide the ceremony they want to mark their milestone in life.
– ensuring that clients have the opportunity to review, make changes to, and ultimately approve any ceremony I write for them.
– offering the ceremony in a professional manner; from my clothing to my physical demeanor, from my voice to my interactions with guests and other vendors.
– committing to running my practice in an ethical manner, complying with relevant state and federal laws, paying my taxes, and renewing my celebrant credential.

I love the work I do as a Humanist Celebrant, and feel honored each time a client chooses to work with me on their ceremony. Even after close to a decade of doing this work, I still encounter many people who don’t know about Humanism or about celebrants, so it’s great to see Humanist Celebrants and ceremonies in the news.