Yearly Archives: 2018

Interesting Wedding Venue Discovery

 in Venue / Weddings  tagged ceremony / wedding / wedding venue by

I discovered an interesting wedding venue in our region last week. While waiting for our dinner cruise to leave the dock in Stillwater, MN I watched guests, the wedding party and finally the bride and groom board the boat next to ours. The sleek, three deck boat was the site for an elegant, all white wedding!

An interesting wedding venue can be great fun, but also requires extra planning and coordination to make sure everything comes together as you envision. Here are a few things to consider:
1. You and your guests will be “captive” on the boat, so it is imperative that everyone arrive on time and can stay for the duration of the event. This may be a good time to plan for a social hour before leaving the dock to allow any late arrivals a chance of joining in the festivities. On the other hand, there are no options for early departures so everyone will have to plan accordingly (think babysitters or on call situations).

2. You will need to discuss with the boat’s owner what is allowed. For example, do they provide catering, cake, music, tables and chairs, bar supplies and bartenders, wait staff? What are you allowed bring on board? Flowers, your own DJ and sound equipment? Do they provide any event coordination services? Are you required to use them, and at what cost? What is included in boat rental fees, and what is billed additionally?

3. Your vendors will have to ensure timely and complete deliveries. They will need to know how early they will have access to the boat so they can plan accordingly. They will also need to know about the distance from parking to the boat so they can arrange for any equipment needed (dollies, carts, etc) to get equipment and supplies on board.

4. Space for dressing, hair and make-up will have to be explored. It is very possible that you will need to arrive ready to walk down the aisle with all services completed on land. On a related note, how do you feel about being seen by your guests before you enter for the ceremony? It may be hard to sneak down the dock and onto the boat without being seen by your guests.

5. And finally, but very importantly, where will the marriage legalities take place? You will need to identify a location address, city and county on your marriage license, so make sure you understand how that will work. The boat we were on moved past a few cities, crossed a couple of county lines and floated between two states. And there wasn’t a mailing address for the middle of the river. The easiest thing to do might be to take care of the legalities (the “I do’s” and certificate signing) with your two witnesses and officiant before departing so you can claim the dock address. Then you can have your full ceremony in front of your guests whenever it works for your schedule.

From my vantage point it looked like a great celebration was about to get underway on the Majestic Star last weekend. Guests arrived decked out in pure white – shoes, pants, shirts, coats, and dresses – making everyone part of the party from the very first moment. The dock seemed to serve as an extension of the aisle, with the bride and groom arriving last, to the cheers of their guests waiting on board. The mood was festive, the waters calm, and the interesting wedding venue ensured a special experience awaited.

Making Your Wedding A Family Affair

 in Blended family / Ceremony / Weddings  tagged blended family / family ceremony / wedding by

Making your wedding a family affair can make it more special and meaningful if you have children either from this or previous relationships. Crafting moments that focus on you as a couple and the commitment you are making to each other in marriage and including your children in other aspects of your ceremony will create a memorable experience for you, your family and your guests.

There are myriad ways to involve your children in your wedding based on their age and interest level. Certainly flower girl, ring bearer, bridesmaid and groomsman are common roles for children to take, depending on their ages. Children can be readers, and ushers, too. A particularly meaningful way to include children of any age is to have them escort you up the aisle. In an upcoming wedding I’m working on both the bride and groom will be entering the ceremony space accompanied by their teenage children. This opens the wedding with a strong visual that the children support the marriage and are an integral part of the relationship.

A family ritual can be a powerful moment in your wedding ceremony when you celebrate the new family by inviting the children forward to join with you in a visual activity – a sand blending, flower blending, tree planting or other ritual. A recent article on Weddingbee offers some ideas for your consideration.

One word of caution regarding children from previous relationships. If the children (no matter their age) have a relationship with their other birth parent, it is important that the new family being recognized with their parent’s marriage not be viewed as trivializing or breaking the family relationship they have with their other parent. Families are created by love and take many forms. We can all be part of many families without one diminishing another. It is important to be sensitive to the feelings of children and their emotions during the wedding.

If you are bringing children into a new family unit with your marriage, celebrate fully by making your wedding a family affair.

Little Ones in the Wedding Party

 in Ceremony / Weddings by

Little ones in the wedding party can be adorable, cute, and sometimes funny. But I always warn couples that we have to be prepared to have the little ones run the show, or at least the processional. You might envision two adorable little boys carrying a sign or an ethereal flower girl strewing flower petals artistically down the aisle. The reality, however, may be a meltdown at the back of the aisle and refusal to walk, or a run down the aisle leaving the sign behind. One flower girl enjoyed all the attention she got as she walked up the aisle, but upon reaching the front realized that she hadn’t dropped any flower petals along the way. So she upended the basket, leaving a large pile of flower petals right in front of the groom.

The truth is that by the time comes for children to walk up the aisle for the ceremony they have often been out of their normal routine for days, may be sleeping in unfamiliar places (or not sleeping at all) if they are not local, and their meal and daily schedules may be totally off. Add in lots of excited people around them, lots of strangers looking at them, and being dressed in confining or uncomfortable clothes, and it’s no wonder that they may struggle.

If there are little ones in your family or among your friends that you are close to, by all means include them in your wedding party. Just make sure that you are ready to roll with any last minute changes in plan. I recommend having a family member or familiar caregiver be with the child(ren) as the processional lines up so they can be whisked away in case of a noisy meltdown. It can also help to have a familiar face near the front that can encourage the child to come to them. I’ve also seen a child being walked hand in hand with a parent when shyness overcame them – maybe not the original plan, but it was very sweet.

One of the most successful approaches I’ve seen was a father who kept the young flower girl away from the ceremony venue until about 20 minutes before the ceremony. He arrived with a well rested, recently fed, freshly dressed little one. He kept her away from the gathering guests, and stayed with her until she headed down the aisle. He then popped around the outside of the chairs and joined her grandparents in front, where she then sat on his lap for the entire ceremony.

Even with all those preparations, things could have gone wrong. So, if including little ones in the wedding party is in your future, make sure that you’re ready to adjust plans on the fly if needed, because they really are in charge.

Including Guests in Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Personalization / Rituals / Weddings  tagged ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding guests by

Including guests in your wedding ceremony makes it more personal, unique and interesting. Individual guests can be invited to participate based on their relationship to you or based on a talent they have. And all guests can be invited to participate to demonstrate their support for you and your marriage.

A friend or relative that you are close to can be invited to offer a reading. You’ll want to make sure that they are comfortable with public speaking and can read clearly and slowly. I’ve seen mutual friends of the couple, a close aunt or uncle, grandparents, personal attendants, or even parents of the couple asked to do the reading.

If you have musically talented friends or relatives, you can invite them to offer a musical selection before the ceremony begins, to back the processional, recessional or unity ritual, or as a standalone solo during the ceremony. If you opt for the standalone solo option, it’s nice to have the person stand where they can be seen so guests can watch them perform.

If your state requires witnesses to sign your wedding certificate, this is yet another special role that can be offered to guests. While most often couples invite the best man and maid of honor to sign the certificate, I’ve also had couples invite their mothers, fathers, and even grandparents to take this important role.

Ring Warming

A ring warming ritual is a newer option for including guests in your wedding ceremony. The rings you will exchange are placed in a small bowl, basket or bag, or tied together with ribbon and passed among all the guests. This ritual is performed early in the ceremony so the rings are back in front by the time you finish your vows and are ready to exchange the rings. Guests are invited to imbue the rings with their love and best wishes for you and your marriage, and as you exchange them the rings are spoken of as now carrying those wishes as you cross the threshold into marriage.

Another option for guest involvement begins when everyone is given a small stone or pebble as they are being seated. Then, near the end of the ceremony they are invited to hold their pebbles, respond verbally to a request to support you in your marriage, and then imbue the pebble with their good wishes for you. If your guest list is very small (30 or fewer), you can invite the guests to come forward one at a time, place their pebble in a bowl or basket, and then share their wishes with you verbally. For larger groups, you can place the basket or bowl next to you in the receiving line and invite guests to drop their pebbles there and share their wishes as you greet them after the ceremony.

Thumbprint Ritual

And a final option is for you to place overlapping thumbprints on a tree or other drawing on a poster board during your ceremony representing the joining of your lives in marriage. Then have your honor attendants place their thumbprints on the tree in support of your marriage and invite guests to do the same during the reception. The poster board can also include places for your guests to add their signatures so it serves as a guestbook/recording of your guests, too.

Including guests in your wedding is another way to personalize your ceremony and make it more memorable for everyone. Consider the personalities, talents and interests of your family and friends to decide how you might invite them to participate in your special day.

When Your Parent is Missing

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged missing parent / wedding by

When your parent is missing from your wedding it can impact you in unexpected ways. Over the years I’ve worked with a number of couples dealing with this situation, and they’ve each approached it differently. The lesson here is that there is no single “right answer” for everyone, but with a little thought and discussion, you can find the answer that is right for you.

Here are a few situations and how each couple chose to address it:
– When the mother of the groom had recently died, the couple chose to hang a set of wind chimes, a favorite of hers, in the ceremony space. When the chimes rang, they felt close to her. We also explained the symbolism to the guests and spoke about how she had loved the couple and would so have liked to be there to celebrate with them on this special day.

– A recent bride lost her mother when she was very young, and an aunt and uncle had helped her dad raise her. She invited the aunt and uncle to walk in the processional and sit in the front row next to her dad.

– A few couples chose to walk into and out of their ceremony together. In one case it was because of difficult relationships with the parents, in another it was because the bride’s father had died, and in a third it was because they had been together so long they didn’t like the symbolism of the bride separating from her father/parents to join with the groom.

– Of course, another option if the bride’s father is not present for any reason is to have the bride’s mother escort her into the ceremony. Often the bride (or groom) and their mother are very close in these situations, and that is the natural solution.

– One couple chose to have me mention the parents who had died by name near the beginning of the ceremony, noting that they were especially missed on this special day.

– Other couples have included a memorial statement in their ceremony program recognizing parents and grandparents who have died.

– Yet another couple chose to place a rose on the chair where the groom’s mother would have been seated if she was still alive.

– And in yet a final situation, the couple chose not to mention the bride’s missing father at all. He boycotted the wedding because he disapproved of the man his daughter chose to marry. His absence was his loss.

As you can see, there are many ways to handle the situation when your parent is missing for any reason at your wedding ceremony. While it can be emotionally difficult to think about, working together as a couple and with your celebrant, you can address this situation in a way that is right for you and that allows you to fully enjoy your wedding day.