Yearly Archives: 2017

Tick, Tick, Tick: Why and How to Start Your Ceremony On Time

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony start time / wedding ceremony by

There are many reasons you want to ensure that you start your ceremony on time:
First: You have many other wedding day activities yet to come, and starting your ceremony late will throw them all off. You really don’t want warm salads and cold entrees at dinner, and that’s a real possibility with a late ceremony start.
Second: Your family and friends have made significant efforts to be with you on your special day. It is incredibly rude to leave them sitting in the sweltering sun, cold rain and wind, or uncomfortable chairs while you get your act together.
Third: Starting late will increase everyone’s stress, including yours. Rather than having people telling you to hurry up, or stressing about time slipping away, your day will be much more enjoyable if you’re able to keep things moving along.

So what can you do to help ensure that your ceremony (and your entire day) will run on time? Here are some practical tips:
1. Establish a schedule for the day that includes every activity you can think of – hair and make-up appointments, time to dress, time for your first look with your photographer… and don’t forget to plan for time to have something to eat and drink, and even a few minutes for you two alone throughout the day.

2. Once you have your schedule drafted, build in travel time, rest breaks and just a little unscheduled time here and there in case an activity runs long (they always do).

3. Now that you’ve got your schedule set, make sure that everyone affected has a copy. This is a great thing to email ahead of the weekend, have copies of at rehearsal, and even a few more for the wedding day. Remember, too, to have someone notify family members when to arrive for pictures, or to stay after the ceremony for them so you don’t waste time waiting on or trying to track down the errant uncle who has already found the bar or left the ceremony venue.

4. If you have an attendant or family member who always runs late, consider assigning them a “buddy” who can help them stay on time for this one, important day. It’s also a good idea for each of you to have a talk with your own attendants ahead of time, letting them know how important it is to you to stay on time, and enlisting their help to make this happen. Sometimes that personal touch is all it takes to keep people focused.

5. A planner or day of coordinator can also be a great help with the schedule, chasing errant participants and keeping you on schedule throughout the day.

There are many things to plan for and keep track of for a wedding day, but these ideas can help keep things running smoothly and allow you to enjoy your day and savor the many special moments without feeling rushed or stressed.

Wedding Ceremonies: A Study in Contrasts

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged secular ceremony by

I recently had the opportunity to attend a relative’s religious wedding ceremony. It’s been quite a few years since I’ve been a guest at a church wedding, and the contrasts between the secular ceremonies I create for couples, and this recent wedding were stark.

The officiant’s first words were to inform us that we were there for Christ. I usually open by noting that we have gathered to reflect on the love the couple has found together, to honor the commitment they are making in marriage, and to celebrate the bright future in front of them.

The sermon told the story of a recent experience the officiant had, rather than focusing on the couple’s story. Boilerplate vows followed with no opportunity for the personalities or values of the couple to be shared.

Once the vows and rings were exchanged, it was a typical Sunday service, until the final blessing which did speak to the couple. More than 80% of the entire service ignored the couple completely, in favor of the standard weekly prayers and rituals. In contrast, each ceremony I create focuses on the couple with every element selected to reflect, honor and celebrate them. Readings, reflections, unity rituals, and of course, vows are selected by and for the couple.

Since I don’t practice a religion, it is hard for me to understand how the ceremony I experienced is particularly meaningful and special for the couple. I hope they found it to be so, as every couple deserves a memorable wedding ceremony. It is wonderful that couples have choices these days, so they can select an officiant who will help them have the ceremony of their dreams. I enjoyed celebrating with family, and I wish my relatives a long and happy marriage. I also appreciate the reminder of the importance of the work I do as I prepare to celebrate six unique marriage ceremonies in the next two weeks.

Selecting Your Wedding Date

 in Weddings  tagged wedding date by

After you get engaged, the most common question you hear from family and friends is often, “Have you set a wedding date?” In fact, there are many things to consider when selecting your date. Maybe you’ve always envisioned a spring or fall wedding. Or perhaps you want to be married on the date of your first date, the date of your proposal, one of your birthdays or even the date your parents or grandparents married. You might even select a holiday for your wedding: Valentine’s Day and New Years Eve are popular dates.

Beyond those personal considerations for your wedding date, here are some other practical things that can guide your choice:
– If you have a favorite venue, it’s often best to start with their availability. Some local venues are already fully booked for Saturdays in 2018. Flexibility for a Friday or Sunday wedding can score you a date at the in demand venues.

– Availability of vendors whose work you prioritize can also impact your date choice. Maybe you’ve heard a particular string quartet at another wedding, enjoyed a specific DJ’s work at a reception, loved the flowers at a friend’s wedding, or have a specific officiant or photographer in mind that you want to work with. Usually the best professionals book up early, so contacting them as soon as you start planning your wedding is a good idea.

– Nature is another consideration. You might choose to avoid winter months if snow and stormy weather could prevent important guests from traveling to the wedding. Or maybe you or your partner hate hot and humid weather. In that case, selecting an earlier spring or later fall date may be best. Those might be good dates if you’ve always envisioned a sunset ceremony, too. Summer days can be long in this area.

– And finally, if you or important guests are avid sports fans, you’ll want to avoid key dates for your sport unless you want to have everyone gathered around TV sets at your reception, or perhaps missing your wedding altogether. Super Bowl Sunday, World Series dates, and hunting and fishing openers are just a few dates to check on based on your guests’ interests.

It’s good to talk about your priorities for your wedding date before getting your heart set on a particular date. You may have flexibility on some the considerations noted above that will help you find a good compromise if necessary. Once you’ve settled on a date, secured your venue and key vendors, the date becomes yours. It will be a special date in your lives from that point on as you first plan and work to make your wedding day all that you want it to be, and then as it marks the beginning of your marriage journey together.

One Perspective: My Sister’s Wedding

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Weddings  tagged celebration / ceremony / wedding by

I’ve just returned from a road trip to New York state to be a guest at my sister’s wedding. It’s an unusual role for me as I usually serve as the officiant at ceremonies, but I’ll be getting lots of practice this year with a total of three family weddings to attend.

The family weddings are a perfect example of one of my favorite phrases: Every couple should have the wedding ceremony and wedding day that they want. This is not a “one size fits all” experience, and each wedding can be special in its own way. Last weekend’s ceremony was a great example of a minimal ceremony with a very limited guest list. Everyone in attendance was directly related to the bride or groom. The ceremony was held in their home, and we all fit comfortably.

The ceremony was officiated by their town clerk (remember, marriage laws differ by state), and lasted no more than four minutes. After brief introductory remarks the couple said their “I do’s” and exchanged rings. A pronouncement of marriage and invitation to kiss wrapped things up. But it was the happiness that shone from the bride and groom’s faces, especially the smile lighting my sister from head to toe, that made this the perfect ceremony for them. The day continued with pictures, food and wine, and lots of chatter as two families met each other for the first time.

The next family wedding is in only two weeks, and promises to be just about the complete opposite from my sister’s. I’ll report back on that after it occurs. In the meantime, remember that choosing the elements of your wedding ceremony and wedding day that are meaningful for you will ensure happy memories for years to come. Best wishes and Congratulations to Mary Chris and Paul!

Surprise! It’s A Wedding

 in Weddings  tagged surprise / wedding by

A surprise wedding can be great fun, but you’ll want to be aware of possible pitfalls as well. While it might seem at first glance that a surprise wedding would require less planning, in fact, it can take quite a bit more planning than a traditional wedding day, and you’ll have less help if none of your besties even know it’s going to happen.

Here are a few things that will be different if you opt for a surprise wedding celebration:

– You won’t have wedding showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties in the weeks before the wedding. But, there’s no reason these can’t follow the wedding if you like.

– You won’t have a wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen) in color coordinated clothing. You can, of course, ask a few of your guests to stand with you for the ceremony, and can even have arranged for bouquets and boutonnieres for them if you wish.

– The day will likely be more casual than traditional weddings, unless you can devise a story to gather all your family and friends for a dressy gathering without giving away the real reason.

– Your guests won’t be prepared with gifts on your wedding day… since they didn’t know it was your wedding day. Some may gift you in the following weeks or months, or maybe part of your intent is to make this less of a gift giving event.

If you want some of the standard elements of a wedding: a dress/suit or tuxedo, bouquets and boutonnieres, music (for the ceremony and party) and food, you’ll need to make all of those arrangements yourselves, and will have to try to keep everything hidden from your guests until the big reveal moment.

A surprise wedding may be a perfect fit for you if you’re looking to avoid some of the drama wedding planning can bring, if you want a generally lower key experience, or if you want your guests to focus on just having a good time. Some couples have used family reunions, holiday parties, or other social events as a “cover” for their surprise weddings, and this can work very well. Once all your guests have gathered, you take the floor, welcome them to your surprise wedding, and let the festivities begin.

One final word about surprise weddings – it’s best not to surprise the bride or groom with the wedding. This is actually pretty hard to do in Minnesota, since you need to apply together, in person, for your wedding license from the county government center. But even if you manage to find a way around that obstacle, marriage is a big, big commitment, that no one should be pressured into by finding themselves ambushed by a surprise wedding. Save the surprise for your guests, and it can be a fun filled, happy way to launch your new life together.