Monthly Archives: November 2017

The Benefits of Hiring Professionals

 in Ceremony / Music / Officiant / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals by

There are benefits to hiring professionals for your wedding day. You can ask friends and relatives to help with many tasks associated with your wedding, from making signs to creating welcome bags for out of town guests staying at hotels; from helping to address invitations to greeting guests at the ceremony. But there are some tasks that I suggest are best handled by professionals.

I will admit that I am biased, since I’m one of the professionals you can hire for your wedding day, but stay with me as I make my case. You probably have an amateur photographer among your acquaintances who could take pictures at your wedding. But they likely will not have the experience or equipment to capture all the special moments that a professional photographer would. And you can certainly ask a friend to run your recorded music for your ceremony, but do you have appropriate speakers so the music will be heard? Will that friend know when to start, stop or cycle a given song so the last part of the processional doesn’t happen in silence and you don’t have to stand awkwardly waiting for the music to finish? Professional DJs and live musicians with wedding experience can ensure there are no awkward silences or over long musical interludes.

Those are just two examples of the difference between using professional vendors and gracious friends and family. Within the world of wedding ceremony trends I cringe when people tell me they’ve asked a brother, uncle or friend to act as their officiant. I’m personally busy enough that I’m not concerned with losing business to this trend, but I worry about the resulting ceremony for a couple of reasons. First, the person acting as officiant often knows one of you better than the other, and likely has a limited perspective on your relationship. This can result in an unbalanced ceremony that doesn’t really focus on you, your love and commitment to each other. You really don’t want your ceremony to sound like the warm-up for the evening’s toasts.

The second reason I worry is because these well-intentioned folks usually don’t have training in what we call the “emotional arc” of the ceremony. A well designed ceremony will carry you and your guests on a journey – it will build to a crescendo, and close with feelings of hope and excitement for your future. Untrained officiants are likely to place ceremony elements in a haphazard order, or draw focus to concepts out of order in a way that leaves everyone feeling a bit at sea. And worst case, the untrained officiant might not follow state requirements to be able to perform a legal ceremony for you, or may get cold feet and back out altogether, only weeks or days before your wedding.

For all the above reasons, I encourage you to consider hiring professionals to handle what you consider to be the most important parts of your wedding day, and to engage your helpful family and friends to work on the surrounding tasks – or just enjoy being welcomed guests. This approach will lead to a memorable wedding day and will reduce the potential for various disasters.

Happy Thanksgiving

 in Celebration  tagged wedding planning by

Wishing all readers a Happy Thanksgiving this week. I invite you to pause your wedding planning as you prepare to celebrate with family and friends. Take time to enjoy preparing and sharing a special meal with important people in your world.

It’s very easy to have wedding planning take over your world for the 12 or more months of your engagement, but it’s not always healthy for you personally or for your relationship. You can use the holidays this month and next to take a break and focus on other things. You can appreciate the people who share your happiness and wish you well. You can thank the people who have offered to assist with wedding related tasks. You can give back to those who have given so much to you over the years – making a pie to contribute to your holiday meal, hosting the gathering at your place, serving meals to less advantaged people in your community, or simply taking time to share a walk outside and some (non-wedding) conversation with your fiance(e). All are ways to get out of your own head for a bit and appreciate a larger slice of your world.

This is also a good time of year to focus on what is right in your world, and to be grateful for it. If you’re planning a wedding, you’ve found a person to share love and life with – it doesn’t get much better than that. You’ve likely shared your happiness with family and friends who are genuinely happy for you and wish you well – that kind of support is to be treasured. You are looking forward to a life full of possibilities and opportunities.

For me, I am treasuring some time to relax as my busy season winds down and I have some unscheduled weekends. I am looking back on the wonderful couples I worked with this year and whose wedding days I had the honor to share. I am looking forward to next year’s couples as I begin to write ceremonies for 2018, working to capture their stories, their personalities and priorities for their special day. I am grateful for my own husband who supports my work in ways too numerous to list, and who I appreciate sharing our journey together each and every day.

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you for being part of my world.

Finding Your Ideal Officiant

 in Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged ceremony / officiant / wedding by

Finding your ideal officiant is different than finding an officiant. Last week I wrote about how to begin your search for a wedding officiant – the person who will make your marriage legal, and who will preside at your wedding ceremony. But you don’t want just anyone serving in this important role. Your wedding ceremony is a personal, intimate experience that takes place in front of all the people you’ve invited to share your wedding day. That’s a tricky balance to strike. You want your ceremony to be memorable, special, unique and authentic for you as a couple. So how do you find your ideal officiant; the person that can deliver that?

When speaking with potential wedding officiants, I encourage you to evaluate them against these five criteria:
1. Does s/he share my vision for the ceremony? This encompasses things including the amount of humor you want, the ways you want to involve your guests, your approach/wishes regarding your vows, and the level of religiosity you want.

2. Is s/he open to my requests and priorities? This is similar to number 1, but more specific. If you indicate a preference for something, does the officiant listen to what you’re saying and incorporate your ideas in the outline and ceremony plans?

3. Do I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with the officiant? You want to be able to say “no” to ideas that don’t fit you or that you don’t want to spend time on during your ceremony. At its best, your wedding ceremony reflects you as a couple, so you need to be able to share your experiences and personalities with the officiant. If you’re not comfortable doing that, s/he’s probably not the right person for you to work with.

4. Does s/he offer ideas or suggestions I didn’t know about? Can this person help take the ceremony beyond what you had considered? Even if you decline the suggestions they offer, knowing that you’ve considered many options will make you more confident that you will get the ceremony you want for your wedding day

5. Do I have reason to believe that this person can deliver on their promises in a quality way? Basically this gets to the officiant’s education, experience, referrals, references or testimonials. A new officiant my be highly motivated to do a good job for you, but having seen their work personally or getting a referral from a family member or friend whose opinion you value can really increase your confidence in an officiant.

Every reputable officiant will offer the the opportunity to talk with them before hiring them. This can take the form of an in person meeting, a phone call or a Skype or Face Time discussion, but you deserve to get to know them a bit, ask all the questions you have, and be able to assess them against the five criteria, above. When you find someone who meets all those criteria, you’ve found a person you can hire with confidence. You’ve found your ideal officiant!

Two sad words: Not Available

 in Ceremony / Weddings by

Not available – two sad words I’ve had to say too many times in recent days. I received inquiries from couples both at the Unveiled wedding show last month and via email in recent days for 2018 dates that are already booked on my calendar. I had to tell these couples that I am not available to work with them on their ceremonies.

We are definitely at the point where 2018 couples are actively looking for a wedding officiant, and calendars are beginning to fill for the high demand months of next year. If you are getting married next year and haven’t yet secured your wedding officiant, now is the time to take action. If you’re not connected to a faith community, it can be difficult to find an officiant. Here are a few ways to tackle the situation:

1. Ask your ceremony/reception venue manager for referrals. They know who has performed ceremonies at their venue before, and who does a good job.
2. Ask friends, family or co-workers who have recently married who officiated for them, and what their experience was with their officiant.
3. Google “wedding officiant Rochester” or the city where your ceremony will be held.

Now that you have a few names, you want to spend a little time thinking about and talking with your fiance(e) about what you want in your ceremony. Think about what you’ve seen at weddings you’ve attended. Are there things you definitely do or don’t want in your own ceremony? Think about your vows (the most important part of your ceremony). Do you want to write your own, or want the officiant to provide samples to choose from? Think about the role you want to play in the creation of your ceremony. Do you want to write some or most of it yourselves, or collaborate with your officiant on the outline and leave the writing to her/him?

Now it’s time to reach out to officiants. Use whatever contact information you have – phone or email are most common. This is often the most intimidating part of the process, as you may not know where to start the conversation. I suggest a simple, “Hi, my name is ___, we’re getting married on at , and are interested in considering your services as a wedding officiant.” You’ve provided key information to the officiant, and they can pick up the conversational (or email) ball from there.

While 2018 bookings are definitely picking up, there are still many open dates on my calendar, so don’t hesitate. Please reach out with your wedding date and venue and let’s start a conversation. Hopefully I won’t have to use those sad words: I’m not available.

The next step is finding not just an officiant, but the right officiant for your wedding. And that’s the focus of next week’s blog.