Monthly Archives: August 2017

Wedding Ceremonies: A Study in Contrasts

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged secular ceremony by

I recently had the opportunity to attend a relative’s religious wedding ceremony. It’s been quite a few years since I’ve been a guest at a church wedding, and the contrasts between the secular ceremonies I create for couples, and this recent wedding were stark.

The officiant’s first words were to inform us that we were there for Christ. I usually open by noting that we have gathered to reflect on the love the couple has found together, to honor the commitment they are making in marriage, and to celebrate the bright future in front of them.

The sermon told the story of a recent experience the officiant had, rather than focusing on the couple’s story. Boilerplate vows followed with no opportunity for the personalities or values of the couple to be shared.

Once the vows and rings were exchanged, it was a typical Sunday service, until the final blessing which did speak to the couple. More than 80% of the entire service ignored the couple completely, in favor of the standard weekly prayers and rituals. In contrast, each ceremony I create focuses on the couple with every element selected to reflect, honor and celebrate them. Readings, reflections, unity rituals, and of course, vows are selected by and for the couple.

Since I don’t practice a religion, it is hard for me to understand how the ceremony I experienced is particularly meaningful and special for the couple. I hope they found it to be so, as every couple deserves a memorable wedding ceremony. It is wonderful that couples have choices these days, so they can select an officiant who will help them have the ceremony of their dreams. I enjoyed celebrating with family, and I wish my relatives a long and happy marriage. I also appreciate the reminder of the importance of the work I do as I prepare to celebrate six unique marriage ceremonies in the next two weeks.

Selecting Your Wedding Date

 in Weddings  tagged wedding date by

After you get engaged, the most common question you hear from family and friends is often, “Have you set a wedding date?” In fact, there are many things to consider when selecting your date. Maybe you’ve always envisioned a spring or fall wedding. Or perhaps you want to be married on the date of your first date, the date of your proposal, one of your birthdays or even the date your parents or grandparents married. You might even select a holiday for your wedding: Valentine’s Day and New Years Eve are popular dates.

Beyond those personal considerations for your wedding date, here are some other practical things that can guide your choice:
– If you have a favorite venue, it’s often best to start with their availability. Some local venues are already fully booked for Saturdays in 2018. Flexibility for a Friday or Sunday wedding can score you a date at the in demand venues.

– Availability of vendors whose work you prioritize can also impact your date choice. Maybe you’ve heard a particular string quartet at another wedding, enjoyed a specific DJ’s work at a reception, loved the flowers at a friend’s wedding, or have a specific officiant or photographer in mind that you want to work with. Usually the best professionals book up early, so contacting them as soon as you start planning your wedding is a good idea.

– Nature is another consideration. You might choose to avoid winter months if snow and stormy weather could prevent important guests from traveling to the wedding. Or maybe you or your partner hate hot and humid weather. In that case, selecting an earlier spring or later fall date may be best. Those might be good dates if you’ve always envisioned a sunset ceremony, too. Summer days can be long in this area.

– And finally, if you or important guests are avid sports fans, you’ll want to avoid key dates for your sport unless you want to have everyone gathered around TV sets at your reception, or perhaps missing your wedding altogether. Super Bowl Sunday, World Series dates, and hunting and fishing openers are just a few dates to check on based on your guests’ interests.

It’s good to talk about your priorities for your wedding date before getting your heart set on a particular date. You may have flexibility on some the considerations noted above that will help you find a good compromise if necessary. Once you’ve settled on a date, secured your venue and key vendors, the date becomes yours. It will be a special date in your lives from that point on as you first plan and work to make your wedding day all that you want it to be, and then as it marks the beginning of your marriage journey together.

One Perspective: My Sister’s Wedding

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Weddings  tagged celebration / ceremony / wedding by

I’ve just returned from a road trip to New York state to be a guest at my sister’s wedding. It’s an unusual role for me as I usually serve as the officiant at ceremonies, but I’ll be getting lots of practice this year with a total of three family weddings to attend.

The family weddings are a perfect example of one of my favorite phrases: Every couple should have the wedding ceremony and wedding day that they want. This is not a “one size fits all” experience, and each wedding can be special in its own way. Last weekend’s ceremony was a great example of a minimal ceremony with a very limited guest list. Everyone in attendance was directly related to the bride or groom. The ceremony was held in their home, and we all fit comfortably.

The ceremony was officiated by their town clerk (remember, marriage laws differ by state), and lasted no more than four minutes. After brief introductory remarks the couple said their “I do’s” and exchanged rings. A pronouncement of marriage and invitation to kiss wrapped things up. But it was the happiness that shone from the bride and groom’s faces, especially the smile lighting my sister from head to toe, that made this the perfect ceremony for them. The day continued with pictures, food and wine, and lots of chatter as two families met each other for the first time.

The next family wedding is in only two weeks, and promises to be just about the complete opposite from my sister’s. I’ll report back on that after it occurs. In the meantime, remember that choosing the elements of your wedding ceremony and wedding day that are meaningful for you will ensure happy memories for years to come. Best wishes and Congratulations to Mary Chris and Paul!

Surprise! It’s A Wedding

 in Weddings  tagged surprise / wedding by

A surprise wedding can be great fun, but you’ll want to be aware of possible pitfalls as well. While it might seem at first glance that a surprise wedding would require less planning, in fact, it can take quite a bit more planning than a traditional wedding day, and you’ll have less help if none of your besties even know it’s going to happen.

Here are a few things that will be different if you opt for a surprise wedding celebration:

– You won’t have wedding showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties in the weeks before the wedding. But, there’s no reason these can’t follow the wedding if you like.

– You won’t have a wedding party (bridesmaids and groomsmen) in color coordinated clothing. You can, of course, ask a few of your guests to stand with you for the ceremony, and can even have arranged for bouquets and boutonnieres for them if you wish.

– The day will likely be more casual than traditional weddings, unless you can devise a story to gather all your family and friends for a dressy gathering without giving away the real reason.

– Your guests won’t be prepared with gifts on your wedding day… since they didn’t know it was your wedding day. Some may gift you in the following weeks or months, or maybe part of your intent is to make this less of a gift giving event.

If you want some of the standard elements of a wedding: a dress/suit or tuxedo, bouquets and boutonnieres, music (for the ceremony and party) and food, you’ll need to make all of those arrangements yourselves, and will have to try to keep everything hidden from your guests until the big reveal moment.

A surprise wedding may be a perfect fit for you if you’re looking to avoid some of the drama wedding planning can bring, if you want a generally lower key experience, or if you want your guests to focus on just having a good time. Some couples have used family reunions, holiday parties, or other social events as a “cover” for their surprise weddings, and this can work very well. Once all your guests have gathered, you take the floor, welcome them to your surprise wedding, and let the festivities begin.

One final word about surprise weddings – it’s best not to surprise the bride or groom with the wedding. This is actually pretty hard to do in Minnesota, since you need to apply together, in person, for your wedding license from the county government center. But even if you manage to find a way around that obstacle, marriage is a big, big commitment, that no one should be pressured into by finding themselves ambushed by a surprise wedding. Save the surprise for your guests, and it can be a fun filled, happy way to launch your new life together.

A Shout Out to Mid-life and Encore Couples

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / encore bride / mid-life couple / wedding by

I recently saw a statistic that one third of all couples marrying in the US include at least one person over the age of 40. This is happening for a couple of reasons. First, the age at which people first marry continues to climb, with the average bride now being 27 and the average groom being a full 30 years old. The other reason, of course, is people who are marrying for a second or subsequent time. As with all couples, mid-life and encore couples have unique considerations and needs when planning their wedding.

Angel & Eric

Anne & Alley

The article I was reading went on at length about the accommodations and special thought that wedding vendors need to consider when serving these couples. And I realized that I’m very lucky in this respect. Since I work with each couple to define the ceremony you want for your wedding day, my process doesn’t need to change at all when working with mid-life couples. I offer options, and each couple tells me what you want to include in your ceremony. This includes options for rituals, readings, vows and more. And since the focus stays on you throughout the ceremony, reflecting on the love you’ve found together, honoring the commitment you are making to each other in marriage, and celebrating the bright future in front of you, it is by definition, appropriate for you regardless of your age and previous marital experience.

Kelly & Steve

Joanie & Rick

I’ve had the great honor to work with mid-life couples from back in 2010 when I started offering ceremony services, and I’m thrilled to include here today a few pictures of the wonderful couples I’ve married through the years. I sincerely hope they are continuing to write new chapters in their love stories as they share their lives together. If you are an encore or mid-life couple, I’d be thrilled to work with you to create the wedding ceremony that fits your vision and ideals.
Stephen & Gerardo

Francie & Mary