When Tradition Doesn’t Fit For You
There are a lot of traditions that have built up around weddings, but sometimes those traditions just don’t fit for you. It’s perfectly fine to start a new tradition or simply break with tradition and chart your own path. One tradition that can be fraught with emotion is the question of who will walk you down the aisle.
Traditionally, a bride’s father walks her down the aisle, but in some cases this isn’t the right choice or simply isn’t possible. If your father has passed, or has never been a part of your life, you’ll obviously need to approach this question differently, but there are other reasons, too. As we’ve moved away from the historical view of marriage as a property transfer of the bride from father to husband, it has come to represent more a leave taking from your birth family to the new family unit you will create with your new spouse. With this idea in mind, some brides choose to have both parents escort them into their wedding ceremony.
If you have both a father and a stepfather, they can share the role of escort by walking on each side, or by having your birth father escort you part way and your stepfather join in or escort you the rest of the way on his own. Your relationships with these men (and theirs with each other) can help you decide which approach is more appropriate for you.
One of the most challenging situations I’ve seen brides wrestle with is when they don’t have a father figure in their life. This can be because of death, emotional distance, or from not knowing their father at all. In these situations some brides have happily walked in with their mothers, honoring with this special role the woman who has raised them. Others have chosen and uncle or grandfather to represent the family that raised her.
Since many brides I work with are mid-twenties or older and have established themselves professionally and personally, another option I’m seeing them choose is to walk into their ceremony as a couple – the bride and groom or two brides or two grooms walking both in and out of their ceremonies together. This option reduces the focus on the families that raised you and focuses instead on you as an established couple choosing marriage together. It can be a powerful statement as well as a comfortable option to walk into your ceremony with the love of your life.
So if tradition doesn’t work for you, look for another option that fits you and your situation and allows you to joyously celebrate the day you cross the threshold into marriage with the person you love.