Monthly Archives: May 2017

Little Ones Steal the Show

 in Ceremony / Weddings by

It is true that if you include little ones (children under about 7 years of age) in your ceremony, there is a good chance that they will steal the show. They’re just so darn cute, especially when you dress them up and give them signs to carry or flower petals to scatter. As long as you have reasonable expectations of the children’s behavior and limits, and are willing to “go with the flow” a bit, children can be a wonderful addition to your wedding party.

But children can be unpredictable. They may opt to run down the aisle, refuse to let go of their mother’s skirts, or simply melt down at the last minute. For this reason, I recommend that you identify a person they know well who can be their “minder” for the time before and during the ceremony. This person can ensure that the children have food and water at the appropriate times, and may even be able to sneak in a nap if you’re really lucky. Then they can be with the children until they walk down the aisle, and are available to whisk the children away if they just aren’t able to follow through with the plan. A day care provider or grandparent from the “other” side of the family may be perfect candidates for this job.

Very small children in the wedding party need even more consideration. Recently I worked with a couple who wanted their niece (about 4) and nephew (less than 2) who were siblings to be the flower girl and ring bearer for their ceremony. They made arrangements for a decorated wagon for the little ones, to be pulled by the junior bridesmaid (about 9). This plan worked well – the flower girl sat in the back of the wagon with her (very sleepy) little brother propped in her lap. The junior bridesmaid was able to control the wagon, safely deliver the little ones to the front of the ceremony space, and then move the wagon off to the side. An aunt carried the sleepy ring bearer from the cart and held him for the ceremony, and the flower girl popped out and sat with other family members. The children were adorable… and well cared for.

Another approach for the very young flower girls and ring bearers is to have them carried in by their parents, grandparents or other familiar faces from the wedding party. It’s perfectly fine to deviate from the traditional placement of these little ones in the processional, and works best for everyone.

If you decide to include children in your wedding party, plan for their needs well in advance of your day. There are ways to make it a fun experience for all, but can also be very stressful if not well thought out. So while you’re making plans and schedules for your wedding day, don’t forget about the special needs of the littlest members of your party. Then you can stand back and watch the children steal the show.

Welcoming Guests with Mobility Assistance Devices

 in Ceremony / Weddings by

By planning ahead for wedding guests with mobility assistance devices, you can ensure that everyone feels welcome and ready to celebrate with you at your ceremony. If you have guests who use walkers, crutches or wheelchairs you’ll want to evaluate potential ceremony venues for accessibility. Elevators, ramps, a lack of steps, and wide aisles are things to look for during site visits. You’ll also want to consider the flooring – is it uneven or slippery? Are there loose area rugs that could be trip hazards? If outdoors, are there hills, gravel or narrow paths that could be impassable for some guests?

There are a few more considerations and accommodations that can be made as you set up for the wedding, too. If you have parents or grandparents who will be sitting up front who use mobility devices, make arrangements in advance to remove chairs to make space for wheelchairs, and plan for a convenient location to store walkers or crutches during the ceremony so they are out of the way, but can be quickly retrieved when needed. Make sure ushers and the guests are aware of the plans, too.

And finally, if you are using a runner (which I generally advise against), plan to have your guests using mobility assistance devices seated before the runner is put down. Most runners these days are made of a non-woven fabric (also known as fancy paper) or plastic. At a recent ceremony the runner was torn when a wheelchair traveled over it just before the processional began, leaving an unsightly hole right in the middle of the runner. Runners can also be trip and slip hazards for people using crutches or those who simply are unsteady on their feet. Outdoors runners create an even larger hazard as they cover any holes or uneven areas in the ground, which can lead to twisted ankles for any of your guests. Even if you put the runner down just before the processional, remember that your guests will be walking on it after the ceremony, so ensure that there is a safe exit route alternative, too.

With some forethought and advanced planning all your guests can feel welcome and accommodated at your wedding ceremony, allowing them to fully share in your special day.

Hello, Is Anyone There?

 in Weddings by

Wedding days are busy days with many moving parts and lots of people involved. Being able to reach a knowledgeable person with a last minute question or problem is an essential, but often overlooked aspect of wedding planning. As you interact with vendors and wedding professionals during the planning stage, they will usually have one of the couple’s contact information – usually the bride. But if there is a last minute question on the wedding day, the bride is often the most difficult person to reach. For this reason you want to establish someone who will act as your “day of contact” person.

The day of contact person can be a personal attendant, a mother or father of the bride or groom, or even the maid of honor or best man (although these people are often very busy, too). You’ll want to arm your day of contact with a list of the people you’ve hired to provide various services throughout the day and night, along with their expected arrival time and phone and email contact information.
You’ll also want to provide your vendors with your day of contact’s name, phone number and email information, so they can reach out in case of an emergency.

I’ve seen the need for this communication focal point a number of times over the years. Once, the DJ who was to provide ceremony music had not arrived 15 minutes before ceremony start time. The bride, the only one with the name and phone number for the DJ, was away from the area having pictures taken. When found, she directed us to her phone, back in the dressing area. Of course, the phone was locked, and had to be taken to her to be unlocked, and finally the call could be placed to the tardy DJ.

Another time the florist didn’t arrive in time, and everyone walked in without bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages. No one noticed until it was too late to recover so the bride made the call to proceed without the flowers. And finally, once the wrong cake was delivered to the reception site, but again no one had contact information and the bridal party was on a trolley ride when the mistake was noticed.

By sharing your day of contact person’s name and phone number with your vendors, you allow them to reach out with any last minute questions, clarifications, directions or other interactions they may need to initiate, too. This two way communication can be essential to having a smooth and disaster free event.

If you hire a wedding planner or a day of coordinator, they will gather or develop the needed contact information and schedules so they can manage these situations. If you are handling all the wedding plans yourselves, don’t forget to assign this important “day of contact” role to a responsible person, and provide them with the information they need to complete the task for you.

When Tradition Doesn’t Fit For You

 in Ceremony / Weddings by

There are a lot of traditions that have built up around weddings, but sometimes those traditions just don’t fit for you. It’s perfectly fine to start a new tradition or simply break with tradition and chart your own path. One tradition that can be fraught with emotion is the question of who will walk you down the aisle.

Traditionally, a bride’s father walks her down the aisle, but in some cases this isn’t the right choice or simply isn’t possible. If your father has passed, or has never been a part of your life, you’ll obviously need to approach this question differently, but there are other reasons, too. As we’ve moved away from the historical view of marriage as a property transfer of the bride from father to husband, it has come to represent more a leave taking from your birth family to the new family unit you will create with your new spouse. With this idea in mind, some brides choose to have both parents escort them into their wedding ceremony.

If you have both a father and a stepfather, they can share the role of escort by walking on each side, or by having your birth father escort you part way and your stepfather join in or escort you the rest of the way on his own. Your relationships with these men (and theirs with each other) can help you decide which approach is more appropriate for you.

One of the most challenging situations I’ve seen brides wrestle with is when they don’t have a father figure in their life. This can be because of death, emotional distance, or from not knowing their father at all. In these situations some brides have happily walked in with their mothers, honoring with this special role the woman who has raised them. Others have chosen and uncle or grandfather to represent the family that raised her.

Since many brides I work with are mid-twenties or older and have established themselves professionally and personally, another option I’m seeing them choose is to walk into their ceremony as a couple – the bride and groom or two brides or two grooms walking both in and out of their ceremonies together. This option reduces the focus on the families that raised you and focuses instead on you as an established couple choosing marriage together. It can be a powerful statement as well as a comfortable option to walk into your ceremony with the love of your life.

So if tradition doesn’t work for you, look for another option that fits you and your situation and allows you to joyously celebrate the day you cross the threshold into marriage with the person you love.

Lock Your Commitment to Love

 in Ceremony / Rituals / Weddings by

The Love Lock unity ritual has been around for awhile, but I had the opportunity to include it in a wedding ceremony for the first time recently. This ritual is said to have originated long ago in China, but the history is vague. It started to become popular more recently in places like Paris where loving couples locked a padlock onto a gate or chain as a permanent reminder of their commitment to each other.

Since most wedding ceremonies don’t take place near a fence or gate, creative and industrious people now offer free standing, decorative items that a lock can be placed onto. Usually after your exchange of vows and rings, you work together to lock a padlock onto a structure like a plaque or sculpture that can later be displayed in your home. The significance is that you have opened your hearts to each other and are now locking your love and hearts together forever in marriage. Some sets made for this ritual provide locks without any keys, but if your set has a key or keys, they are discarded after the lock is closed so there is no way to unlock it in the future.

Sample Props for the Love Lock Unity Ritual

Close up of love lock in place after the ritual

If you choose to include the Love Lock ritual, you might also consider readings that use lock imagery, or “key to my heart” phrasing as a way to carry the theme through your ceremony. The Love Lock ritual is a simple but visual way to recall your commitment to each other, and is a welcome addition to the growing number of unity ritual options available to you as you plan your wedding ceremony.