Yearly Archives: 2016

As we move out of the 2016 wedding season and begin to turn our focus to 2017, it’s a good opportunity to pause and reflect on some of the fashion trends seen at ceremonies this year. There is still interest in a wide range of venues and styles, ranging from barns and farms to ballrooms, museums and mansions. That range is also visible in wedding fashions with both formal tuxedos and beaded and sequined gowns at one end, and more casual vests and slacks for the men and knee length simple gowns for the bridesmaids.

Let’s look first at the bride. Again, a range exists, but lace and beading are very popular, and the variety of necklines available ensures that every bride can be comfortable and look her best. Cathedral length veils is a new (or return to the past) trend I saw at a few of the fall weddings this year. And don’t forget color for the bride. While shades of white are still the most popular, I’m seeing a few more underskirts of blush or pale blue, and one bride in plum was absolutely stunning.

Moving on to the bridesmaids, the most visible shift this year was back to floor length gowns for the women, with about half of the wedding parties opting for long gowns, and half choosing knee length dresses. And the trend to have each woman select the style she is comfortable with is becoming the norm. The days of completely matching gowns seems to be waning, with either varying shades of the selected color being worn, or different bodice styles lending a personal touch to the attendants’ dresses. Late in the season I also noticed an increase in sequins and beads on attendants’ dresses, especially with neutral or monochromatic color schemes.

The men in the wedding party are getting into the act, too, looking for ways to make a personal style statement on the wedding day. One very practical trend is for the men to ditch their coats and wear vests and slacks for hot, summer, outdoor ceremonies. Also popular were saddle brown shoes with mid-gray suits for the men. And finally, the trend for suits vs tuxedos continues, especially for slightly more casual ceremonies.

No matter what style and level of formality you prefer, options are available for you as you dress your wedding party. Consider your venue when selecting your attire – will you be outside in very warm weather – maybe short dresses and vests are good options for you. Will you be outdoors or on unfinished floors? Maybe that long cathedral length veil will snag as you walk down the aisle. Consider the visual tone you want to set for the day. Are you looking for laid back and fun or elegant and formal? The way you dress the wedding party can be a great indicator to your guests about the kind of experience they will share with you. Have fun as you select your wedding attire, and let your personality show!

Couples I work with often want to include their children in their wedding ceremonies. These ceremonies become both a celebration of the love and commitment of the couple, and a wish to recognize and honor the new family being formalized with the marriage of the adults. The family configurations are as varied as the individuals being married – sometimes one or both of the couple have children from previous relationships, sometimes they have started their family together before marrying, sometimes the children are infants, sometimes they are adults, or anywhere in between.

Each of these situations requires thought and sensitivity to decide if, when and how to include the children in the ceremony. Some couples opt to keep the wedding ceremony exclusively focused on their relationship, love and the commitment they are making to each other in marriage. In this case, children are treated like any other guest and are not mentioned in the ceremony.

Other couples take a blended approach, possibly mentioning the family in the ceremony’s opening, but then focusing on the couple through the exchange of vows and rings. Then they may opt to have a family ritual that brings the children (of any age) into the ceremony as we focus on them returning to their community of family and friends as a married couple. Children may be part of the wedding party or offer a reading as well.

And finally some couples see the wedding as an opportunity to equally celebrate as a couple and a family. Here we see children in the wedding party, vignettes of family life being shared as well as stories of the couple, and children participating in readings, rituals, songs, family vows, and/or whatever else the couple wishes.

In any family situation, and regardless of the ages of the children, it is important to talk to the children to find out how involved they want to be. Be sensitive to their feelings regarding other parents in their lives, and generally avoid having them voice support for your new relationship if they are not the children of both people being married. Having young children participate passively is often best, with the parents making promises to them, giving gifts, or possibly participating silently in a family ritual. Weddings are happy occasions and it’s important to stay within the comfort zone of any children so they can participate comfortably in the whole wedding day.

Tradition is a wonderful thing. Consider the Thanksgiving gathering for turkey dinner, or parades on the Fourth of July. But if you don’t find value in certain wedding traditions, it’s perfectly fine to change things up – to modify the tradition to be meaningful to you, or to leave the tradition behind altogether. Here are five examples of ways to tweak wedding traditions. See if some of them might feel right for you.

1. The traditional wedding party. Maybe your best friend or only sibling is of the opposite gender. Feel free to have them stand by your side as an honor attendants (or bridesman or groomswoman if you prefer) on your special day. Or, if you have 3 people you want to invite to stand up with you and your fiance(e) has 4, go with it. There are easy ways to modify the processional at the beginning of the ceremony to handle any configuration of attendants.

2. Having a wedding party at all. If you have too many friends to create a reasonable size wedding party, or if you prefer the simplicity of having fewer people to coordinate on your wedding day, feel free to skip bridesmaids and groomsmen altogether. Some couples ask a parent or sibling to sign the wedding certificate as their legal witness, and that works perfectly.

3. Using traditional ceremony music. If you’re not having your ceremony in a church, temple or mosque that imposes restrictions on you, get creative with your music selections. Couples I’ve married have used the theme songs from “Rocky”, “Star Wars” and even “The Lego Movie” (“Everything is Awesome”) for the processional and recessional. You can also use your favorite genre, choosing jazz, rock, country or classical… whatever is meaningful for you.

4. Using only readings from holy books. Again, if you’re not restricted by religious requirements, this is a great opportunity to use a reading that reflects you as a couple. Maybe “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton describes you perfectly, or “Love” by Roy Croft speaks to impact you’ve had on each other’s lives. Or maybe you want to include your favorite pet in some way, and like the sentiment in the lighthearted “Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog” by Taylor Mali. The point is, choose something that speaks to you, and you’ll remember it forever.

5. The Unity Candle. Unity rituals, commonly performed after the exchange of vows and rings are definitely not a requirement in your wedding ceremony, but if you choose to do one, consider options beyond the traditional unity candle or sand blending ritual. Alternatives include tree plantings, handfastings, love letters, wine sharing, flower blending, thumbprints and even custom rituals written just for you based on a shared interest or experience.

So remember, honoring traditions is fine, if you find meaning in the tradition and it fits you as a couple. But if that’s not the case, feel free to think creatively and work with your celebrant to find or create ceremony elements that are worth your precious time on your wedding day.

One of the most emotionally difficult decisions I see couples dealing with as we plan their wedding ceremony is how to acknowledge parents who are deceased. While your wedding ceremony is a happy time, it is understandably sad if a beloved parent is not able to share it with you. There are a number of options available as you decide how to merge these disparate emotions and still maintain the overall joy of your wedding day, and only you can decide which is the right path for you.

If it is the bride’s father who has passed, often the first question to come up is who will be walking her down the aisle. Because of the tradition and emotion surrounding this special moment as a dad and daughter enter the ceremony space, this is an especially tricky situation. Traditionally an uncle, grandfather or brother assumes the parental role, and those are all still fine options. But I encourage any bride in this situation to ask herself, “Who is the most significant mentor/parental figure in my life?” That is the person you should consider asking to escort you into your wedding ceremony. That could be your mom, grandmother, stepfather, sister, or a non-related person in your life. Choosing to have a custom ceremony means you get to choose what is meaningful for you, regardless of tradition or “rules”. So, while you will certainly miss your dad on this important day, I encourage you to feel the love and support of these other important people in your world.

Beyond the processional choice, there are other ways to remember loved ones in your ceremony. You can acknowledge their absence near the beginning of the ceremony with words, with a picture(s) on a table at the front or back of the ceremony space, with a memorial floral arrangement (if outdoors) or a memorial candle lighting (if indoors). You can include an appropriate favorite saying or reading if they had one, and attribute it to them. Some couples even choose to have a flower placed on the chair they would have occupied during the ceremony.

One word of caution with any overt references – be conscious of not only your feelings, but also those of your remaining parent and close family members. You don’t want people getting distraught and missing the rest of your ceremony because they are focused on their recent or still painful loss.

If you are looking for a more personal way to feel close to your deceased parent, consider wearing their watch or bracelet, carrying one of their handkerchiefs or a charm with their picture in it. These tokens will keep them close in your thoughts without overtly sharing your feelings with others.

And finally, if you are having a ceremony program, a note on the back remembering family members not able to share in your happy day is always a thoughtful touch. No matter what remembrance you choose to include in your ceremony, or if you choose none at all, you can be certain that your loved one would wish you only happiness on your wedding day and throughout your marriage. Wrap yourselves in the love they had for you, and begin your marriage holding them close in your heart.