Tradition is a wonderful thing. Consider the Thanksgiving gathering for turkey dinner, or parades on the Fourth of July. But if you don’t find value in certain wedding traditions, it’s perfectly fine to change things up – to modify the tradition to be meaningful to you, or to leave the tradition behind altogether. Here are five examples of ways to tweak wedding traditions. See if some of them might feel right for you.
1. The traditional wedding party. Maybe your best friend or only sibling is of the opposite gender. Feel free to have them stand by your side as an honor attendants (or bridesman or groomswoman if you prefer) on your special day. Or, if you have 3 people you want to invite to stand up with you and your fiance(e) has 4, go with it. There are easy ways to modify the processional at the beginning of the ceremony to handle any configuration of attendants.
2. Having a wedding party at all. If you have too many friends to create a reasonable size wedding party, or if you prefer the simplicity of having fewer people to coordinate on your wedding day, feel free to skip bridesmaids and groomsmen altogether. Some couples ask a parent or sibling to sign the wedding certificate as their legal witness, and that works perfectly.
3. Using traditional ceremony music. If you’re not having your ceremony in a church, temple or mosque that imposes restrictions on you, get creative with your music selections. Couples I’ve married have used the theme songs from “Rocky”, “Star Wars” and even “The Lego Movie” (“Everything is Awesome”) for the processional and recessional. You can also use your favorite genre, choosing jazz, rock, country or classical… whatever is meaningful for you.
4. Using only readings from holy books. Again, if you’re not restricted by religious requirements, this is a great opportunity to use a reading that reflects you as a couple. Maybe “A Lovely Love Story” by Edward Monkton describes you perfectly, or “Love” by Roy Croft speaks to impact you’ve had on each other’s lives. Or maybe you want to include your favorite pet in some way, and like the sentiment in the lighthearted “Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog” by Taylor Mali. The point is, choose something that speaks to you, and you’ll remember it forever.
5. The Unity Candle. Unity rituals, commonly performed after the exchange of vows and rings are definitely not a requirement in your wedding ceremony, but if you choose to do one, consider options beyond the traditional unity candle or sand blending ritual. Alternatives include tree plantings, handfastings, love letters, wine sharing, flower blending, thumbprints and even custom rituals written just for you based on a shared interest or experience.
So remember, honoring traditions is fine, if you find meaning in the tradition and it fits you as a couple. But if that’s not the case, feel free to think creatively and work with your celebrant to find or create ceremony elements that are worth your precious time on your wedding day.