Last week I wrote that ceremony, at base, allows us to acknowledge our movement through life and to mark the significant moments we experience. Ceremony, then, needs to available to everyone as we move through the natural lifecycle experiencing birth, death and all the significant milestones in between.
There are well established traditions around what I refer to as “the big three” ceremonies, meaning birth, marriage and death which are the milestone moments most universally celebrated with ceremony. I maintain, however, that there are benefits to be gained from recognizing other significant moments in life. A perfect example at this time of year is empty nest. The moment when your child leaves home can have a profound effect on you as a parent or as a couple. The focus of your life changes, and your relationship with your child changes. This is a moment when ceremony can be particularly helpful. You may choose to have a personal ceremony for yourself alone, or for you and your spouse to mark this moment in life when you release some of your daily parenting responsibilities and renew your commitment to and focus on each other. You may include rituals, music, and reflection in a ceremony of this kind.
Personal ceremonies are appropriate for some of the most personal moments of transition in your life, like empty nest, or a private achievement. But sometimes it is helpful to draw a small circle of supportive people around you to recognize significant moments. Examples here can be support ceremonies in times of illness, divorce ceremonies, crossroads ceremonies following a job layoff, or a house leaving ceremony as you downsize or move following a death or divorce.
These intimate ceremonies can be incredibly helpful as you deal with some of the challenging moments in life. They provide the opportunity to put the experience in perspective, to focus on the feelings you are experiencing, to draw loving support from caring people, to release negative feelings, and to be able to move forward and focus on the future and the opportunities that can be found in the situation.
Every person experiences both positive and difficult moments in their life, and ceremony is a tool that can help you celebrate, cope, find strength and support as needed. In American society, however, we are experiencing a bit of a disconnect regarding ceremony. Religious institutions have become the primary source of ceremonies, but people are moving away from organized religion in increasing numbers. Ceremony is not tied to any religion – it is a human response to our life experience. Ceremony is for everyone who sees the potential value in reflection, celebration, support, and community as you walk through life. Increasingly, there are celebrants who can help you develop a ceremony to honor this moment in your life in a way that is authentic and meaningful for you, so search us out, and allow us to support you in your journey.